The Other Amanda. Lynn Leslie

DIFFERENCE between semantic and episodic memory. Dr. Johnson. I was a nurse in this hospital before you were out of med school! So what does this have to do with my niece?”

      Jonathan entered a conference room fraught with frustration. Apparently Carl Johnson had been trying to explain Amanda’s condition to the Chambers with little success.

      “You are deliberately keeping us from our own flesh and blood. Do I need to call a lawyer?” Margaret Chambers had the polished confidence of a beautiful, mature woman. A woman who was sorely tried at the moment. Randall sat with his head down, wringing his hands, apparently overcome with emotion.

      Jonathan intervened. “Your niece is resting, which is most important to her recovery. I’m sure Dr. Johnson and Dr. Newman are only trying to prepare you so you’ll be able to assist in that recovery.”

      Randall looked up, a hopeful light in his eye. “It’s not irreparable, then?”

      “Actually, I think you’ll be pleased. Carl did an excellent job with the hematoma, allowing me to operate before a lot of swelling set in. In fact, Margaret, her bone structure will be restored to the perfection of your own.” He’d dealt with hysterical relatives before.

      “We aren’t deliberately keeping you from her, Mrs. Chambers.” Pat Newman jumped into the fray. “I’m her psychiatrist….”

      “Yes. Yes.” She shook her head dismissively. “But why does she need a specialist in physical medicine and rehabilitation like you? What has happened since we were here last?”

      Randall reached over to pat his wife’s hand. “Margaret, let the doctors explain.”

      “She’s awake—” Dr. Johnson stared into Margaret’s pale face “—but Amanda is suffering from some memory loss.”

      Margaret gasped and shrank against her husband. Jonathan had the impression that the only thing holding her together was the strength in Randall’s arms.

      “Is it permanent?”

      “Most probably not.” Johnson looked as if he meant business. “However, for the moment, Dr. Newman believes her personal memories are completely gone.”

      “She doesn’t remember us?” Shock registered on Randall’s face.

      “I don’t believe she does, Mr. Chambers. I’m sorry.”

      Randall buried his head in his hands. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

      Margaret waved away any attempt at reassurance. “Is this a complication from the surgery?”

      The tone in her voice drew a quick response from Johnson. “No. All her neurological tests have been normal. I would have told you if I’d seen any indication of this.”

      “Autobiographical memory loss is highly unusual in this type of case. If, as Dr. Johnson feels, it is not caused by the neuro-trauma, it might have other causes. That’s why I’ve been called in to consult.” Pat Newman spoke quietly and confidently. “In many cases like this memory returns gradually over a month or two, but the patient never recovers the moments of the attack. We believe it’s a defense mechanism to spare the recurrence of pain and suffering. In any case, I won’t know without more testing.” Newman stood, as if the whole problem were settled.

      “I want to take her home to The Lodge as soon as possible.” Margaret insisted. “She’ll get better there. She loves the lake. Tell them, Randall!”

      Pale-faced, Randall looked from his distraught wife to each doctor. “I agree with Margaret. At The Lodge, my wife and I can attend to her every need My mother, who adores her, will be there. All of her own things are there. Surely that will help to restore her memory?”

      “Yes. You are correct. Those things will all be important in her recovery. However, she can’t leave the hospital without some rehabilitation.” Pat Newman glanced around the room.

      “Amanda has badly sprained wrists and is experiencing dizziness. I need to do some more tests.” Dr. Johnson, too, was adamant.

      “Besides, she needs time to get to know you before you take her away. She’ll be afraid to leave me and the hospital.” Jonathan wanted to get his point across. Amanda couldn’t be taken anywhere. Not yet.

      Randall’s head jerked up, “What do you have to do with this, Jonathan?”

      “Dr. Taylor saw her when she first came into ER. She was conscious and he spoke to her. He is all she remembers.” Dr. Johnson’s announcement caused a stunned silence in the room.

      “She’s very vulnerable right now. And frightened of everything and everyone but me.” Jonathan tried another tack. “It will be much easier on her if you go slowly.”

      Pat Newman pulled his glasses out of his pocket and jammed them on impatiently. “This needless wrangling isn’t getting us anywhere. It’s important that Amanda not have to deal with any additional stress right now.”

      “What do you have to say, Jonathan?” Randall’s hoarse voice echoed in the room. “Will you have time to assist Dr. Newman and Dr. Johnson with Amanda, given your heavy caseload?”

      “Can you help my niece?” Margaret’s unwavering stare challenged him.

      He gave one brief thought to his heavy schedule and dismissed it. “Amanda believes I can help her. That’s half the battle.” He turned to Newman. “As soon as Dr. Johnson agrees, she can move upstairs to rehab and your care. I can do my post-op anywhere.”

      Johnson nodded and glanced around at each of them. “Then it’s agreed, Mr. and Mrs. Chambers? Dr. Newman will take over Amanda’s care. You should visit her now with Dr. Taylor. We’ll keep him informed, and he will give Amanda as much time as we feel is helpful for her complete recovery.”

      Time. That was the key. Time for Amanda to heal. Time for her memory to return. Time for him to learn to deal with the fact that she was back in his life, dependent on him. Could there ever be enough time for him to forget the memory of making love to his patient?

      

      AMANDA HAD WAITED to open her eyes until after Jonathan left her room. With her movement so limited, she didn’t have much range of vision. Still, anything was better than being alone in her empty mind. Why couldn’t she remember? She fought to stem the rising panic by reliving every moment with Jonathan. Only he was real, only his voice meant safety.

      After a while, muffled voices from the hallway and the clatter of carts rolling past her door intruded on her solitude. Somewhere out there was a whole world for her to discover. Out there were the answers she needed, the knowledge that would set her free. She made a vow that it wouldn’t always be like this. She would do whatever she needed to make a life for herself. Jonathan and all the other doctors in the world, the faceless people that were her family, might try to do their best for her, but it all came down to her.

      She concentrated, trying to capture some feeling of what her aunt and uncle meant to her. Nothing.

      No matter how she tried, she found nothing and no one. How could this be? She must know someone besides Jonathan. She might not know how old she was, but she sensed she was an adult. How could she have no memory of herself or anyone else and still remember all that she had learned in school?

      That was it! School! She’d gone to…

      A deep sob caught in her throat as she turned her face toward the sun filtering in through the blinds. She closed her eyes again. She wanted her memory, her life, back so much it burned like a fire inside her. She wanted to know, yet suddenly feared what she might learn.

      She ignored the sound of her door opening. Maybe they’d just go away. She didn’t want to see more strange faces; hear more questions she couldn’t answer.

      “Open your eyes, Amanda.”

      The one voice she couldn’t ignore—Jonathan’s. She opened her lids slowly, focusing only on him.

      “I’ve