Heart Of A Husband. Kathryn Alexander

were among the last customers to leave the restaurant that night, and their conversation didn’t lag on the long drive home. It was only when Jake pulled his car into Mae’s driveway that an awkward silence fell between them. The engine off, the lights out. Only the dim porch lamp offered relief from the darkness of the night.

      “Thank you for a perfect evening, Jake.” She shifted in her seat to look into his unfathomable eyes. Had he enjoyed their time together, too? He’d certainly been attentive the past few hours. He’d sat across the table from her, talking, laughing, looking at her, she suspected, in some new way. More like the young woman she was and not the teenager she had been when they’d first met. If his goal on this night of her birthday was to make her feel like the most important woman in the world, he’d more than succeeded. She felt like the most important woman in his world. It had been a lovely feeling but, she knew, it was time for it to end.

      Jake reached for her hand and slowly pressed her fingers to his mouth for a kiss. Her hand was soft, sweet. Free of any rings of belonging to another. “It’s been special for me, too,” he admitted as he battled an unexpected desire. He wanted her closer. Next to him. In his arms.

      Jake cleared his throat quietly and lowered their hands to the seat but couldn’t quite let go. He laced his fingers through hers.

      “Yes, very special,” Joanna agreed. She straightened and sighed softly, knowing it was getting late. “I guess it’s time to say good-night.” No matter how much she didn’t want to. She glanced down at their interlocking fingers, then back into his gaze. His eyes held hers and suddenly she knew. He felt it, too. Perhaps as strongly as she did.

      Jake nodded but didn’t speak. He couldn’t think of a response. At the moment, all he could think of was Joanna and how beautiful she was. Absolutely beautiful—in looks and in spirit. He’d never been as acutely aware of that fact as he was tonight. It knifed through him in a way it never had.

      “Joanna…” he whispered as his hands moved to touch her satin-smooth face. Then his hands slid into her soft, loose hair, pulling her easily into a gentle kiss that slowly grew as needy as either had ever known. The warmth of Jake’s mouth over hers felt like the most natural thing in the world to Joanna. She wondered how she’d lived this long without it. When Jake touched her shoulders, bringing her closer, she slowly, instinctively slid her arms around his neck, deepening his response and clouding her thoughts. Never had anything felt so right. She wanted more. Of him, of them, of whatever it was they were finding here together tonight. Her fingers wandered into his dark, silky hair.

      “Joanna…” he murmured her name again. His breath flowed warmly along the delicate line of her throat. Her soft sigh in reply did nothing to discourage him when his mouth trailed light, tiny kisses down her neck to a smooth shoulder covered with only a thin strap of a summer dress. Jake felt her sharp in-take of breath at the contact. He hesitated, his lips lingering intimately against the curve of her shoulder as he tried to reason with himself. This was Joanna in his arms. His friend. And he wanted her more at that moment than he’d ever wanted anyone in his life. His entire life. And it was crazy. She was sweet, innocent…and young. Too young. Jake stopped—instantly—and lifted his head to look into her barely open eyes. What were they doing? What was he doing? “Joanna…this is crazy,” he barely breathed the words before he pulled away from her completely, raising a hand to his mouth.

      “Jake?” she whispered in the stillness. Free of his touch, she’d never felt colder in all her life.

      “I’m sorry,” he answered in a voice deadly quiet with realization.

      “But—”

      Jake’s words brought her questions to a halt. “I care about you, Jo, very much, but this…”

      “What’s wrong?” she asked despite the uneasiness settling over her at the distance in the voice that had murmured her name with such longing only moments earlier. “What did I do—”

      “Nothing,” he assured her before rubbing his hand down his face. He leaned back against the seat being careful not to touch her as he did so. “It’s what I’m doing that’s the problem.”

      Stung but confused, she watched him close his eyes in disgust, frustration…something she couldn’t identify. “Jake…we’re not doing anything—”

      “We’re not doing anything,” he repeated in disbelief. “Do you kiss every man you go out with like that?” The question was blunt. Angry.

      “No! Of course, I don’t,” she replied. “I’ve never kissed anyone…like that. How could you ask?”

      “Because we were doing plenty, Joanna, whether you realize it or not. And we’re headed toward much more.”

      Her face flushed with humiliation. Were they? Was she being careless? She’d never been in a situation quite like this, and it had been difficult to think when Jake was holding her.

      “You should go inside,” he stated. The look of concern in his eyes only made her feel worse. “C’mon. I’ll walk you to the door.”

      “But I don’t want to go in yet.”

      “And I don’t want you to, either. That’s exactly why you have to go now.” He reached for the car door.

      “But, Jake—”

      “Don’t you see?” he asked urgently, ending her protest. “We can want each other, we can have each other…but it won’t lead to a future together. And that’s what you’ll need.”

      Joanna felt chilled. She looked down at her hands, which were now folded neatly together in her lap. Jake didn’t want her, wouldn’t want her—not for anything more than this? She could hardly believe his warning. “We’ve known each other a long time, Jake. I thought we were friends—”

      “We are friends,” he insisted before reaching out to touch her hair. The softness was almost unbearable and he pulled his hand away. “I don’t ever want to lose that. And, we will…if we let this happen.”

      “You can’t know that—”

      “I do know. You have no idea how complicated things can get.” Jake exhaled a heavy sigh. She had no idea how uncomplicated he wanted things to remain. Joanna was a woman he would chose neither to hurt nor to have. He’d seen what a love like this could do to a person, what it had done to his own father, and he wanted no part in it. But how was he supposed to explain that to her? To this tenderhearted young woman he could too easily love? “Jo, listen to me,” Jake began as he reached to touch her hand.

      But Joanna pulled away. She sat only a few inches from him, her arms crossed in front of her. “It’s Dr. Eden, isn’t it? Natalie Eden?” she asked.

      Jake hesitated. She didn’t know how little he’d ever allowed anyone to mean to him. Including Dr. Eden. She didn’t know he wanted it that way, kept it that way. Intentionally. And he wasn’t going to tell Joanna that now. He breathed an undistinguishable curse under his breath. This was his fault, and he should have known better than to let it happen. Joanna was still practically a kid. How could he have allowed things to get so mixed-up? How could he undo this mess? No way, he knew. None. Unless he lied.

      “Is it because of Dr. Eden?” Joanna repeated, her heart near to breaking.

      “Natalie and I have known each other for a long time…” Jake said and stopped. Being dishonest with Joanna was something he could hardly make himself do. Maybe if he just stopped there, didn’t say anything more… Maybe, he hoped, the implication would be enough. And it was.

      “I understand,” Joanna replied in a voice barely audible.

      She watched the line of his mouth tighten but had no idea that it was all Jake could do to refrain from telling her that, no, she didn’t understand. She couldn’t understand how close he found himself to loving her—Joanna Meccord. Not Dr. Eden or any other woman he’d known. And the thought unnerved him. It was his deep affection for this unassuming young woman