Love Me Or Leave Me. Claudia Carroll

in luck; just a few more monosyllabic answers from her about the general crapness of the weather/direness of the traffic, and thankfully, he seemed to take the hint. Switching the car radio on, he tuned into one of those early afternoon moany phone-in shows, where callers ring in to rant about the general rubbishness of the health service, or else their dole being cut, etc.

      Nerves still on edge, Dawn took a deep breath and looked out the window, for the moment at least tuning out the incensed voices bleating over the radio about the price of wheelie bin lifts. And that’s when she saw it.

      Suddenly, right beside her, a wedding car pulled up at the traffic lights. A sleek Bentley, with white ribbons fluttering at the front. And there, in the back seat, directly opposite her was a beautiful young bride, with a stunning white veil and what looked like a fabulously expensive dress on underneath. There was an elderly man right beside her, whose face looked flushed with either whiskey or pride, it was hard to tell. Her Dad, Dawn figured with a pang, there to give her away.

      For a momentary second as both cars were stopped side-by-side, the bride locked eyes with hers. Ordinarily, Dawn would have waved and smiled and given a thumbs up, but somehow she couldn’t bring herself to. Not today. Not after what she’d just come through.

      Wish me luck? the bride’s eyes seemed to ask her nervously.

      I’m sorry but … please understand – I just can’t, Dawn answered simply, looking right back at her.

      The traffic lights changed, the wedding car glided gracefully on and now, Dawn found herself thinking back to another young, hopeful bride on another grey, drizzly day just like this; full of love and happiness and optimism about what lay ahead. Her eyes misted up a bit and suddenly, she found her thoughts drifting.

      *

      ‘I Kirk, take you Dawn, to be my beloved spouse and partner in life, to stand with you always, in times of celebration and in times of sorrow, times of joy and in times of pain, times of sickness and in times of health. I will live with you, love and cherish you, as long as we both shall live.’

      Slight ripple of polite applause, which the High Shaman immediately silenced with an authoritative slamming of his ceremonial stick off the rickety wooden floor.

      Scary looking git, Dawn thought, from out of nowhere. Where did Kirk find him, anyway? He’d nearly put you in mind of Professor Dumbledore from Hogwarts, right down to the heavy bushy white eyebrows, which from where she was standing, looked exactly like guttering that would overhang a building.

      With a jolt, she realized Dumbledore was nodding in her direction that this was her cue. The Big Moment.

      Concentrate Dawn, she told herself. You’re about to get married here.

      ‘And I Dawn,’ she began in a wobbly voice, ‘take you Kirk as my beloved spouse and partner in life, to tenderly care for you and to respect your individuality, to cherish you just as you are and to love you with complete fidelity. Always.’

      A few ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ from around the blessing area as Kirk beamed happily down at her; that gorgeous, dimply smile that never failed to completely knock the wind out of her.

      ‘Then Kirk and Dawn,’ the Shaman boomed on, sounding not unlike Darth Vader as his voice reverberated around the tiny, enclosed blessing area. ‘By the power vested in me which derives over centuries from the ancient druids, I now declare you life partners joined in spiritual union, from this day forth!’

      Massive round of applause as Kirk leaned down to kiss his brand new bride and Dawn stood up on tiptoe to whisper in his ear.

      ‘I love you, so, so much.’

      ‘And I’ll love you always.’

      Even though it had been a barefoot ceremony, Kirk still towered above her; tall, wiry, lean and so ridiculously handsome with the long, waist-length black hair and flowing white linens; God, Dawn almost wanted to laugh every time she looked at that beautiful face. I’ll never be as happy again, she thought, as I am today. Just wouldn’t be possible … sure, how could it be?

      Hard though, not to be aware that at that very moment, her mother, up in the very front row, had abandoned dabbing away at the odd tear and was by now sobbing violently in full-blown floods.

      ‘Ehh … happy tears, would you say?’ Kirk had whispered softly, shooting her Mum a look of concern.

      No, her mother’s tears definitely weren’t happy ones. But it had still been a beautiful commitment service in spite of everything, Dawn forced herself to think, smiling bravely. If you could momentarily just leave aside the tsunami of negativity she and Kirk practically had to wade through, just so they could stand in front of each other that day. All the endless, countless objections from her family, because they were both so ridiculously young.

      Not that age even mattered, Dawn had spent at least six months before the wedding trying to convince just about everyone she knew. Like Kirk said, your age was just your number! Besides, when you knew, you just knew. And this was for life. She knew. Just knew.

      ‘It’s all just too much, too soon!’ her Mum had wailed, when Dawn broke the news that she was committed. (Kirk didn’t believe in the word ‘engaged’; too many negative connotations.)

      ‘And what in God’s name, I’d like to know, are the pair of you going to live off?’ she’d added crisply. ‘His earnings as a yoga instructor? The land? Good luck with that, my girl!’

      Implication heard and understood loud and clear. You’re only twenty-two years of age, missy, and you haven’t the first clue about either life or love. Wait and see, you’ll come running back quick enough just as soon as you start missing all the cushiness of home and having an M&S within a two-mile radius of the house. And when you realize that modern conveniences like electricity, heating and Sky Atlantic can’t be paid for by offering to send free Reiki and homemade yeast-free cookies into the ESB head office.

      A far greater disappointment though, had been Eva, who hadn’t exactly been leading conga lines around tables either, when she was first told the Big News.

      ‘Oh honey,’ she’d said worriedly, ‘I know you’ve always bought into that whole mind, body, spirit thing, but …’

      Dawn braced herself, instinctively sensing what was coming next.

      ‘But the thing is, I really have to speak my mind here or forever hold my peace. And the truth is that you’re rushing headlong into this. For God’s sake, you and Kirk only met a few months ago, this is complete insanity! So there now, I said it. It’s out there.’

      ‘Totally untrue, not to mention unfair!’ Dawn retorted defensively. ‘Besides, Kirk always says no one can measure the depths of love just in units of time …’

      ‘Yeah, right,’ Eva had muttered under her breath, as she sipped at her Pinot Grigio and angrily nibbled the bar nuts in front of her, tight-lipped. ‘I’ll bet he does.’

      Instinctively, Dawn had gone to diffuse the tension by hopping down off the stool she was perched on and giving Eva a spontaneous, tight bear hug.

      ‘Ah here,’ said Eva, impatiently shoving her away, ‘what’s with you suddenly hugging people for absolutely no reason? You nearly made me spill red wine all over my good suit!’

      ‘Just dispelling the negative energy between us,’ Dawn smiled, ‘that’s all.’

      ‘You never used to be like this,’ Eva said tersely, with her chin jutted out like she was gumming for a good, air-clearing row.

      ‘Like what?’

      ‘Like … well, you know.’

      ‘No,’ said Dawn, genuinely puzzled. ‘No, I don’t know.’

      ‘Alright then, you never used to behave like the way you’re carrying on these days. Like such a bloody flake-head.’

      ‘What did you just say?’

      ‘Come