Work with Me. Dowling Simon

and energy. If you want others' creativity, engagement, participation, advocacy and championship then you need to affect them under the surface, through their skin.

      To get to this holy place, there can be no tricks of the mind, no manipulation, no threats, no forced hands and no hypnosis. These moves may sometimes work to influence people to act in the way you want them to act, but if it's genuine buy-in you seek, then people will subscribe to that only when they choose to and feel it's safe to do so.

      Here's a simple example we can all relate to (whether parents or not):

      Dad: Sam, have you cleaned up your room yet?

      Sam: Yes.

      Dad: [After a quick look into his room] That's not clean, Sam. Please go and tidy up your room as I asked.

      Sam: After.

      Dad: No, now please. [Sam does nothing.] Sam, you've got five seconds to go in there and start cleaning up your room or you won't be going to the park with us after lunch. Five … four … three … two … [Sam runs to his room.]

      Do you think Dad is winning? Perhaps. Until a few minutes later, when he walks into Sam's room to discover him sitting on the floor playing with his toys.

      Dad: Sam, that's not tidying up! You're playing! That's it, no park for you!

      Sam starts crying.

      Consider what happens when Mum enters the room.

      Mum: Sam, why do you think Daddy wants you to tidy up your room?

      Sam: Because he's bossy.

      Mum: Yes, Daddy is bossy sometimes. But I don't think that's why he wants you to tidy up. Can you think why he thinks it's so important?

      Sam: So I don't step on my toys and break them?

      Mum: That's a great reason. Do you think that's important?

      Sam: Yes, but Mum I don't like tidying up.

      Mum: Me neither. But if we do it fast then maybe we can go to the park sooner. What do you reckon, should we see how fast you can tidy it up and how quickly we can get to the park?

      Sam: Okay. Can we take the soccer ball?

      Mum: That's a great idea. Let's get that room done first, shall we?

      Sam: I'm going to be fast … like the Flash …

      In this scenario, Dad could easily be a manager, and Sam his team member. Dad attempts to influence Sam by relying on his authority, his implicit right to call the shots, but let's call a spade a spade: it's coercion. Sam's not impressed.

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