The Dream Chaser. Gaskins Tony A.

may want better for us, but they may not know how to help us get better. No matter what your age or where you are in life, you have to realize the path that has been set and start questioning why.

      Ultimately, if you want to go where no one you know has gone before, you have to start leading yourself. You have to take control of your life and be willing to walk by faith. There's more in you than your parents know about. You have abilities and gifts that no one around you knows the full extent of. You can shock them, and you just may shock yourself.

      The path that our society has given us is to get an education. You get out of college with more debt than our job affords us to pay. Then, you get a job in a major company or be the major in a minor company. Then, you try to climb the ladder in that company, so you can earn more and pay more taxes to keep the system going. Essentially, we are told to follow the set path to misery and debt; in turn, we compromise our happiness, peace, and prosperity.

      The most ironic thing about the path set for us is that we are often told to get a formal education to work for someone who started a company without a formal education. The formally educated people start working to help build the dreams of the entrepreneur. You'd think that after paying tens of thousands of dollars for an education, you would have been educated in a way that allows you to buy your peace and happiness. Instead you're miserable while getting the education, and then still miserable after the education because along the way you never questioned the path.

      I love formal education and I think it's necessary, but what's also necessary is that you get to know yourself along the way. What's necessary is that you question the path that was set before you, and that you start to tweak the road map so it leads you to a more desirable destination. Don't follow a path to misery. I was on that path because it was set for me and it cost me a lot. The wrong path was handed down from generation to generation. The American Dream became a nightmare for many because they didn't realize that the dream they were pursuing wasn't their dream. It was a dream someone else had created for them.

      While studying in school, you should spend just as much time studying yourself. Get to know yourself. Fall in love with yourself. Write your dreams from the bottom of your heart. Question the path that you were put on. Don't be afraid of a detour. Don't be afraid to map to a new destination.

      When I came to an age of understanding, I looked around me and I saw three options: I could be overworked and underpaid like my parents. I could be a pro athlete like Tracy McGrady. Or I could be a drug dealer, thief, or criminal like some of my friends and family. What would I choose? What could I choose? Published author wasn't a choice. International speaker wasn't a choice. Celebrity life coach wasn't a choice. Business consultant wasn't a choice. Business owner wasn't a choice. Everything I am today was not an option presented to me as a child, not at home, not in school, not in church. There was a path set in place, and until I questioned the path, I was lost.

      It's interesting to see what happens when you question the path. When one person gets the courage to venture out, others do too. You can break a generational curse. You can start a ripple effect. I was on the phone earlier today with one of my cousins. He didn't finish high school. He dropped out at about 14 years old. He spent 20 years living the street life before he went down a new path. Today, he was on the phone with me asking how to publish an e-book, become a speaker, and turn his mess into his message the way I did. He's questioning the path. He sees that there are other options than what we were shown growing up.

      My father is highly gifted. He writes, thinks outside of the box, and has a profound amount of wisdom. Even though he's never been where I've been or where I'm going, he was able to give me wisdom along the way. He's been writing all his life, but never questioned the path. He wanted to be an author, a filmmaker, and a speaker. He didn't know it was possible for him to do those things. He saw the path that was set before him and he followed it. Like my mother, he also was the baby in a family of 12 children. His mother was murdered when he was 8 years old. His father was a very wise man, but being one of 12 kids, my dad didn't get as close to his father as he would have liked. My father dropped out of high school, got his GED, and then went into the Army. Some of his older brothers had gone to the Army and fought in wars, so he was following the path. He left the Army after three years because it wasn't what he wanted for his life. He then went on to work several different jobs: a police officer, a mail carrier, a lineman fixing power lines. He worked in the hot sun 8 hours a day. He saw friends fall to their death from the power lines. His life flashed before his eyes many times. He didn't know that what I'm doing was possible for people like us.

      I believe each generation should go a little further than the one before. I went as far as he had gone and then tested the possibilities. I laid new road. I found a new path. My parents were happy for me and they supported me, but they didn't hedge their bets and put up their life savings to assist me in my dream. They didn't know anything about the world I ventured into. But once I questioned the path it led my father to question his as well. A few years after I became an author, he became one too. Now he's written and published two books.

      My mother, being the baby of 12 children, saw a lot growing up. I looked into my mother's side of the family, and I saw way more dysfunction than on my dad's side of the family. There was a lot of pain, and I didn't know where it stemmed from. There was abandonment, abuse of every form, crime, pain, and death. There was so much to get past. Relationships were a pain point on my mother's side. My mother followed her path. She told me that her teachers didn't teach her much in school. She said it wasn't long after integration when she started school, and teachers were still reluctant to teach black children. She said she didn't do any work really, but she always received a C from the teacher, just to pass her to the next grade. By the time I was in the fifth grade I could read and spell better than my mother. She wasn't illiterate by a long shot, but there was a lot she didn't know when it came to academics. That birth path limited her greatly because it told her what she could and couldn't do, and she didn't question it. She's said to me more times than I can count that she never applied for a promotion at work because she's insecure about her reading and spelling. She worked at a major insurance company for 15 years, so she was fortunate to be there, she felt. She watched those around her go higher in the company and make more money but she never tried. Even after her ceiling was made a little higher, she didn't try to reach it. I couldn't blame her because that's how she was conditioned.

      As I was growing up my mother would always say to me, “Baby, you're so smart.” She was so captivated by my writing, reading, and spelling. I was just a little above average in our school system but nowhere near the smartest. I was always touched that she was so impressed with me. She would tell me, “Baby, you need to be writing for Hallmark cards.” That would make my day. All my life she kept saying, “You need to be getting paid for your writing.” She wasn't talking about this type of writing; she was referring to my poetry. It wasn't that good, but it was off the beaten path for us. It wasn't common in our family, neighborhood, or city. Those words of encouragement my mother would give me ultimately played a large role in me becoming the entrepreneur I am today. Although she didn't venture off her path, her words gave me some courage to get off of mine.

      It's deeper than just having parents who knew themselves and what they could become. I look around and I see some people who were given everything. Their parents graduated from college and became successful in life. They received the best education and attended the best college. Their parents supported them every step of the way financially, but still failed to advise them to get to know themselves. Now, though they are well off, they are lost. They have money, trust funds, business connections, and the world at their feet, but they don't know where to go from here. They have bachelors, masters, and some even doctorates, but they're still lost. Yes, their path led them further but it still didn't lead to peace and happiness. I've seen some of those individuals still end up in prison, on drugs, and as failures. It's mind-boggling to think that a person whose path seemed to have so many advantages could be led to the same destination as a person who was perceived to have no real options. It all comes down to if you question the path and get to know yourself.

      Think about your path. List 10 people you know and analyze their paths. What path was set for them? Did they stay on it? Did they get off of it? What became of them? Now what are you going to do? Are you on a path that leads to nowhere? If you're not on the path that was set for you, how is the one you're on? Is it where you want to be?