A bottle with a secret. Alla Krasnova

there. My imagination, fueled by my fears, painted a wild picture: here I was, knocking on the door of a neighbor’s house. «Hello,» I say, «you probably don’t remember me, but I need Tara, she once lived here, about twenty years ago, although I don’t remember what she looks like… And, frankly, I’m not sure that this is the same house…

      The neighbors look at me carefully, then ask me to wait at the door, and then the police come for an unexpected guest. By the way, such a plot is quite justified if I decided to go the direct way, but there were still detours, and it was possible to go through vegetable gardens. So I decided to take a chance, it was still worth a try. I packed my bags, bought a train ticket, then turned it in, gave up on the case, and decided to drive my own car at the last moment.

      Suddenly, just before leaving, I got a call from my ex, the same gamer Linda, who didn’t give a damn about reality and pointedly didn’t notice it, but the fact that we broke up still didn’t escape her sharp eye. She said she wanted to come to my place to pick up her things. An old trick that worked. At first, the woman says that she wants to come for things, and then comes and stays forever. I didn’t say anything. Let him take it. She wasn’t as important to me as this twisted memory of the past. I had lived with this man for almost two years, and now it was as if she had never been in my life. But I still hoped that she would stop me from going on this trip that I both wanted and dreaded.

      ***

      When she arrived, I pretended to be busy, so as not to fall prey to her fierce charms. She was circling me like a shark, and all I could see was her fin. You’d probably be gone by now, dear, I thought, and then she leaned into me and put her arm around my shoulders. «Remember how good we used to be together,» she said, and her black pupils met mine. I don’t know how it happened, but when we woke up in the same bed the next morning, I couldn’t help thinking that I’d made another mistake. So I hurried away, hoping that she would understand that you can’t go into the same water twice. I wanted her to understand, but I wanted to step into the same water, only twenty years ago.

      A person often makes an even bigger mistake when it seems to him that it can’t get any worse. Fate will show you what it can do. I felt like I was burying myself deeper into this «nothing happens» routine. So I ran, not knowing where I was going, and this «secret», like a small beacon flickering from the ground, was almost a salvation.

      ***

      The seven-hour journey didn’t go away without a trace, and I stopped to take a leak a couple of times and went to the cafe to buy something to chew on, but I didn’t really feel like eating. The paper bag of hamburgers still lay untouched in the backseat, where I’d thrown it. I finally reached the city. It was strange, but I remembered these places well, so I could understand how much двадцать летeverything had changed in twenty years. Well-developed infrastructure, the thought flashed through my mind, and I grimaced in disgust. Too much was built up, at first glance it was difficult to distinguish even from the usual area of Moscow, although I used to like their small houses, tiny cafes. We didn’t live in this town for very long, but the dacha village was adjacent to it and was special. Now it has almost merged with the city, has become the same «advanced».

      I set up the navigator and went to the dacha, which by that time was no longer there. The only question in my mind was whether I could find that clearing, that tree. I didn’t drive very long, only about thirty minutes, and yes, I saw the clearing where we were going to sit with my grandmother. It was almost the same, almost as it used to be, only the trees were bigger and bigger. Visual memory didn’t give out the exact location. And now in May, everything looked a little different than in that August. I was glad the place hadn’t been built up yet. After walking in circles and getting some fresh air, I stopped and raised my head to the sky. I exhaled: clouds were passing in the sky, and how good I felt! I don’t remember when I felt so good. However, I wasn’t happy for long. It was getting dark, and I had nowhere to spend the night.

      I turned around because I felt like I was being watched. And so it was. Some strange grandmother came out of the house to see who had arrived. I could see her in the distance. I got in the car and decided to drive past our old country house, but the house was already gone. In its place was a large two-story house, and that was a shame. I hadn’t been here very often, but I still remembered my grandmother’s warm welcome, and she was always happy to see me. Or at least she pretended to be happy. But I tried very hard to be accepted here. Since childhood, I had a fear that I was very much in the way. I prevent my mother from building a career, and my father from leaving the family. So I tried to behave as well as possible, and my grandmother appreciated that.

      «I lived with you because of the child!» -I remember the curse thrown at my father’s back when he left the family in an unknown direction. To be honest, I didn’t even remember him after that, there were no catchy memories, he didn’t shine. He was neutral, and I rarely saw him. It was the invisible father. «A thing in itself». My mother said he drank, but I don’t remember him drunk, I don’t remember him very well at all. I was six when they divorced. My mother must have felt a sense of liberation. Now it is fashionable to gather in a circle around the child and say that we still love you, despite the divorce, and there will be twice as many gifts. But then, almost thirty years ago, such tenderness was not bothered. Fortunately.