Conflicts in the family. Юрий Белк

y irreconcilable.

      Publius Cornelius Tacitus

      The world in which there is such a large number of communications has become very dynamic, we communicate at the speed of light, well, not in the literal sense, but close to this value. In a split second, messages reach anywhere in the world, and there can be hundreds or thousands of such messages per day, they are not limited in either quantity or volume.

      Perhaps this book is now being read by those who remember that sending a letter to relatives in the region meant waiting a month in both directions, or even more.

      Letters were written on paper, telephones existed for special occasions, and communication on them was so rare that this method of communication existed only in the city and in some rural areas. Installing the phone and connecting it – it was a long queue, more than six months.

      So, back to our topic. You may wonder why you read this now. The fact is that the lack of restrictions on sending messages reveals a more complete relationship to each other.

      The book is devoted to conflicts in the family. On the one hand, this is an absolutely unpleasant topic, but, as you know, problems need to be reprimanded, otherwise they begin to multiply, consolidate, cement, which in turn will cause a series of events that will negatively affect new ones that will be generated at an enviable speed.

      The greatest pain is brought to us by our loved ones. We perceive the words of a stranger more superficially, sometimes quite neutrally, although everyone has different ways.

      The book includes a chapter that will focus on conflict with friends. This is the only category that is not related, but given their importance, they are included as close. Sometimes such conflicts can have more serious, fundamental meanings than native ones.

      The list of chapters is listed below. There is no need to look for any hidden reasons why the conflict with the husband is more important than the conflict with the wife. First, they are the same event, and they differ in that objects of conflict are initially considered negative in relation to the reader. We will often resort to the concept of sanity. The main postulate of conflict resolution is that one subject must be sane, otherwise the problem by definition cannot be solved.

      There was no goal to cover all the parties and all the different types of conflict between people. Conflicts in families occur more often, due to the fact that these people are more often in contact. Of course, it happens differently, what comes into contact with whom more often is the conflict.

      A person is quite complex in his character. A person often has to deal with the insane than with normal people. On the other hand, there is no clear line that this person is normal, this one is insane. Simply because we ourselves do not know what to consider normal and abnormal.

      Often, more precisely, as a pattern, we believe that all people who have a different view of things, other ideas, are already abnormal for us, therefore, we are also abnormal for someone else. What happens more often is that both sides consider each other insane, and here it is sometimes difficult to solve the problem and reach a consensus, but more often it is simply impossible. And such smoldering conflicts can occur for years, more often they can not, and so it happens.

      In this situation, some side must give in, otherwise it will be impossible to steer, as motorists say, getting into a band of ice.

      Most often, two people are involved in the conflict, and sometimes more, much more. In such cases, work on errors should be divided into a number of simple ones, which are indicated in the list below.

      It is necessary to take into account the fact that people treat the same conflict circumstance differently at different times of the year, age, and so on.

      We must take into account the fact that people perceive the outside world according to their worldview. We will return to this nuance more than once in this book. Therefore, the action or events that occur around a person, they happen, change the person himself. Of course, it doesn't happen as fast as it might seem, but it does.

      Based on all this, the conclusion suggests itself. A person changes according to external factors that occur, and they occur with varying degrees of intensity and type. This means that a person, whether he wants it or not, will also gradually change under the influence of these factors, and it is not necessary to say that if someone says that he does not change and has a so-called core inside.

      People change quite a lot, and even unexpectedly for themselves, and sometimes suddenly. In fact, every day we are different, we change, but these changes we do not feel so contrasting. The result of all this is a change in the worldview, the result of a change in the worldview is a change in the understanding of the world around us, today's events and the past.

      This leads to a very disappointing conclusion that, if we can say so, the attitude of your close relatives to different conflict situations will also change. How much it changes and in what direction, positively or negatively, and so on, you can't know because you don't know exactly the life of this person.

      Of course, you can roughly guess how much his worldview has changed, based on the fact that he moved to some other region, changed jobs, got married, divorced, had children, and so on. But you can't learn the basic concept of changing a person's worldview in any way, it's simply impossible, you can't look, as they say, under the crust of a person's brain.

      Human consciousness is so complex that it cannot even be understood by the person himself. Here is a simple example, try to unravel your thoughts, yourself as a person, and in general it would be nice for everyone to engage in introspection. The services of psychotherapists in our country are not so much in demand, and there are countries where they are available, but they are very expensive.

      It is such a paradoxical situation that it leads to the conclusion that psychotherapists are not available to people in one country, because it is not fashionable, and in another country, because it is expensive. So, introspection is quite accessible to you, but in order to analyze, you need to know how to analyze, what to analyze, and what conclusions to draw.

      If you initially have an erroneous understanding of the psychotype of yourself, the basic academic knowledge of psychology and even psychiatry, I'm not afraid of this word, then, naturally, it is expected that you will have wrong conclusions, and you will draw the wrong conclusion, and, therefore, your actions will be initially wrong, you will go on the wrong path.

      There is nothing more terrible than when a person makes mistakes and thinks that he is not mistaken, such labyrinths can lead a person so far, so deep, and at some point a person can realize and appreciate all the horror, only for some day, hour or minute he will be very afraid. But it may not realize, and live all his life in the Volga region, this is more common.

      Psychology and psychiatry are absolutely two different branches of science, where psychology is aimed at understanding conscious processes, and psychiatry considers at the level of organic processes in the brain, that is, psychiatry belongs to the field of medicine. In different countries, psychiatry is classified in such negative sections that people are afraid to even voice this word.

      After the prologue

      The family, where we include all those who were indicated in the list above, and then we will consider further on the list, has, in addition to living under the same roof or meeting on different major holidays, also smoldering conflicts more often than with strangers.

      The same conflict on the same topic between husband and wife, parents and children, grandparents and relatives occurs in completely different ways. Due to the fact that they are different subjects of the conflict, have different goals and different economic ties with each other, they are arranged differently and live differently from the point of view of the economy. Yes, yes, and here commodity-money relations affect the cell of society.

      For example, children are cornered when they have a conflict in the family with their parents, because they are economically dependent on their parents, they can't just pack up and go to live with their mother, because they already live with their mother.

      However, the departure of children from home is accompanied by very high risks, when you have to include search engines, the police, and friends in solving the problem. This is a big problem, because due to the fact that children are