Юмористические стихи

Различные книги в жанре Юмористические стихи

Still Complaining

Jim Foster

Once again we are blessed with yet another collection of Jim Foster’s ravings. His first book, I hate to complain, but … with its views on everything from bank mergers to the author’s 30-year love affair with Sophia Loren, is being hailed as a classic example – though of what no one is quite sure. Readers will be amazed at the depth of the author’s knowledge on just about any subject and his total inability to keep it to himself. What should you do if a comet falls on you at 1000 mph? What are the best pick-up lines for the man or woman looking for romance? Why doesn’t Julia Roberts shave her underarms? All this and many other bits of useless information will have Canadians from coast to coast chuckling out loud, popping their eyes in wonder and simply scratching their heads in bewilderment.

Global Warming and Other Bollocks

Stanley Feldman

The end of the world is not nigh. The idea that we are one step from calamity is as old as history itself. Every step on the road of progress has always been countered by those who think that we should keep to a primitive lifestyle that they claim is compatible with nature. But despite the fact that they've been proved wrong, the pessimists are undeterred by their abysmal record. They continue to echo a deep-seated fear that unless we repent and change the way we live, we will be instrumental in destroying our own world. Today industrialisation, genetically modified crops, scientific medicine, nuclear power and the car are held up as the harbingers of doom. Politicians and persuasive pressure groups play on this same basic fear. They scare us with tales of an inevitable global warming catastrophe blamed on CO2 emissions, they stoke the fires of terror that an epidemic of obesity will kill all our children and they sternly tell us that our indulgent lifestyle will consume the earth's precious resources. But will pesticides kill off life in our oceans, will chemicals in food poison us all and invisible rays from power cables and mobiles kill us with cancer? Stanley Feldman, a professor of anaestetics at London University appointed to the Imperial College School of Medicine looks at the evidence. An author of several books, including From Poison Arrows to Prozac, he is a respected lecturer and explainer of popular science. Vincent Marks is an editor of Panic Nation and an expert on diabetes. He is a former president of the Association of Clinical Biochemists and founder member of HealthWatch.

Crap Days Out

Gareth Rubin

Gareth Rubin had the idea for this book after a horrific date with a Polish girl during which she attempted to engage a Russian couple in a fist-fight. He writes for a number of newspapers including the Observer, Express, Telegraph and Mail on Sunday about travel, property, the arts and personal finance. He recently completed his first novel, All Honourable Men. Jon Parker is a freelance journalist published in the Guardian, The Times, Independent and Telegraph, as well as writing for television news. He got involved with this book after trekking all the way to Stonehenge to find it's hardly bigger than the one in Spinal Tap. Bloody Druids.

Barmy Britain - Bizarre and True Stories From Across the Nation

Jack Crossley

A hilarious compendium of all that's weird and wonderful about life in the British Isles – the eccentric, bizarre bureaucracy and outright oddity reported over the last year by the nation's newspapers, including: Guardian headline, 'Man with false leg hit with toilet lid.'; The Astrological Magazine, 'announces that it is to cease due to unforeseen circumstances.' Jack Crossley spent some 40 years in Fleet Street and has compiled this laugh-out-loud collection of anecdotes and strange goings-on which sound so outlandish you certainly couldn't make them up.

Harvey Wallbangers and Tam O'Shanters

Martin Hannan

Did you know that Maria Ann Smith was genuinely a grandmother who died not knowing that she had given the world one of the best varieties of apple? Or that the word tawdry, meaning tacky or tasteless, has its origins in the fate of a seventh-century Saxon princess, Etheldreda, who was canonised and became St Audrey? Or that when we say Fanny Adams, meaning nothing, this expression is derived from the tragic fate of a real little girl who was murdered in a most horrible fashion? An eponym is a word derived from the name of a real, fictional or mythical character or person and is one of the most fascinating examples of how the English language gains new words. Harvey Wallbangers and Tam O'Shanters takes a colourful look at the phenomenon that is the eponym and, for the first time, gathers together the stories of the people behind the words that have passed into our everyday vocabulary.This entertaining and informative book is packed with eponyms from across the worlds of literature, history, medicine, religion, politics, science, nature and cuisine. And there are more of them out there then you might think! From a Harvey Wallbanger to a Wellington Boot; from a Catherine Wheel to a Caesar Salad, there's something for everyone.

I, Superhero!! :

Mike McMullen

Evildoers, Take Heed! Justice has a new face, and it wears a mask. Who are we talking about? Ordinary folk like Mike McMullen, a.k.a. The Amazing Whitebread, who become something entirely new and occasionally borderline pathological: Real-Life Superheroes (RLSHs). «Being a singing superheroine is a way for me to not only pay the bills, it also helps me give the baddies such a headache.» –Danger Woman Complete with costumes and all the gadgetry they can afford from selling old copies of Action Comics on eBay, RLSHs dish out their own brand of justice–while criminals go about their business and law enforcers roll their eyes. «Me and Shadowhare were walking past a bank and we stopped to make a phone call. As soon as we started walking away, the police came up and said, 'Do you know why we stopped you? Because you guys are wearing masks standing in front of a bank.'» –Mr. Xtreme McMullen spans the country, coach class, seeking to develop his own RLSH identity and address such weighty issues as: Sidekicks: Faithful wards or CPS bait?Bad Guys: Where the hell are they all hiding?Super-tights: How snug is too snug? So don your mask, suck in your gut, and join us. "Hey, you're with a superhero. . .what could go wrong?" –Geist, the Emerald Cowboy Michael McMullen, a.k.a. The Amazing Whitebread, was born in Wichita Falls, Texas. He earned an undergraduate degree in history and philosophy, and subsequently took the only employment option open to someone with the resultant lack of marketable skills: government service. He's worked as an intelligence analyst for the U.S. Department of Justice for just over a decade and currently lives in Arlington, Texas, with his wife, Lauren, and their children, Grant and Gracie. His hobbies include aspiring to get some woodworking done, thinking about learning a musical instrument, and trying to get interested in any computer game other than Text Twist. He has had short pieces published in various science fiction/fantasy magazines and currently holds the record for «Worst-Kept Secret Identity.»

Dracula Is a Racist:

Matt Melvin

Vampires: The 100% Bona Fide Totally Real And Not Made Up At All Truth In this day and age, the belief in vampires has been dwindling at an exponential rate. Those who still believe in them are often wildly misinformed. So what do you think will happen when Johnny McNormalpants finds himself face to face with a bloodthirsty vampire? Probably crap his pants, but then what? An informed citizen would know exactly what to do in this situation. If only there was some way to enlighten the public about this often forgotten subject, preferably in the form of a mock informative guide or something.From Matt Melvin, one of the creators of Explosm.net and the hit online comic Cyanide & Happiness, comes Dracula Is A Racist, the definitive guide to vampires, answering those gravely important questions that keep you up at night. . . • Was Dracula really a racist? • How do vampires do their hair if they don't have any reflection? • Is it gross for immortals to be attracted to high school girls if they're stuck in a 17-year-old body? • Was Sesame Street ever truly safe from The Count? • Is dressing in all black and acting snobby toward everyone enough to fake being a vampire? • Just how much more badass are vampires than zombies? Dracula Is A Racist is the essential vampire handbook that digs up all the dirt and backs it up with hard vampirical evidence. That's totally true. Really. Matt Melvin is a 25-year-old T-shirt aficionado and sideburn enthusiast. Along with three other dudes, he runs Explosm.net, a pretty awesome website full of awesome things. When not adding even more filth to the Internet, he enjoys criticizing and complaining about movies, listening to music and inventing obscure types of niche sexual acts. He currently lives in San Diego. He is very tall.

Your Next-Door Neighbor Is a Dragon:

Zack Parsons

Finally, a book about the Internet that takes place outside the Internet! Your Next-Door Neighbor is a Dragon leaves the bleeps and bloops behind for a series of surreal interviews and adventures with the people behind the computer screen.Something Awful's Zack Parsons risks life and sanity by meeting with people who believe they are real dragons and elves, attending a furry convention in costume, paying a visit to a white power group in Texas, talking shop with people who want to be swallowed whole, and witnessing the launching of the Ron Paul Blimp. More than a year in the making, this epic adventure is full to bursting with the jokes about wieners and poopy that made Something Awful a true Internet sensation. Have you added the book to your cart yet or do you just hate yourself that much?

Alphabet of Manliness (revised and updated)

Maddox

Sometimes in life you say certain words in conjunction with other words that you normally wouldn't, such as the word «holy» and the word «shit.» Those times are rare and celebrated. Well, get your face hole ready, because this is one of those times: introducing The Alphabet of Manliness: Special Edition! If it's a crime to be awesome, then I deserve three life sentences and the death penalty. This literary kick to the dick may very well be the greatest compilation of all things manly throughout history. The new edition includes: • «The Numbers of Manliness.» • A full-color insert • Corrections to typos! I, Maddox, the author, personally guarantee that this is the best edition of the book since the last one. This book is only for the saltiest, hairiest, most rugged sons of bitches out there. However, it would be selfish to keep it for myself, so feel free to pick up a copy. This humble tome of wisdom is a tribute to all men who toil away at work every day, getting their balls busted or busting balls alike. If you can't handle the punch to the colon I'm about to deliver to you, look on the bright side: you'll save a fortune on Halloween when kids come to your door to pick apart your candy ass. On the other hand, if you feel comfortable with the risk of having your ass neatly packaged and handed to you with all the trimmings, cut the foreplay and crack the book open already.

Ladies Courting Trouble

Dolores Stewart Riccio

"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun."–Katharine HepburnIn her bewitching novels of female friendship, fun, and delicious mischief, Dolores Stewart Riccio has charmed readers who want to know more about marvelous Cass, sweet Heather, wickedly witty Phillipa, eccentric mom Deidre, and whip-smart Fiona–five deeply committed sisters-in-arms with a little something extra on their side. Now, in Ladies Courting Trouble, the most fascinating women in Plymouth, Massachusetts, are back in the thick of the action, which suits them just fine. . .October in New England is a grand time–great for carving pumpkins, throwing Halloween parties, baking and eating brownies, and. . .dropping dead? When a helmlock-laced brownie at the church hospitality hour spells the end for an elderly townswoman, Cass Shipton and her circle of fabulous friends get to work using their very special brand of detective skills to ferret out the culprit. After all, their unorthodox recipe of magic, clairvoyance, and good old-fashioned common sense hasn't let them down yet. . .Praise for Dolores Stewart Riccio and Circle of Five"A bewitching tale."– Midwest Book Review "This story has everything from suspense to laughter. Delicious. . .with a magic all its own."– Rendezvous "Humorous moments are deftly intertwined with truly creepy ones."– Booklist "Delicious. . .filled with magic. . .and delight."–Phyllis Curott"Witty and fast-paced. . .charming. . .a fun read and food for thought."–Joe Haldeman Dolores Stewart Riccio is the author of three previous Cass Shipton novels, The Divine Circle of Ladies Making Mischief, Circle of Five, and Charmed Circle, as well as numerous highly acclaimed nonfiction books on the subjects of health and cooking. She lives in Rhode Island and is currently at work on her next novel.