The Gift of a Child. Sue MacKay

might need it again? She looked terrible, pale and shaky, the fingers she gripped some tissues with trembling non-stop. Half the water in the glass he handed her splashed over her jeans.

      Returning to his desk, he parked his butt on the edge and folded his arms across his chest. He studied her carefully as she sipped and rinsed her mouth. Looked hard for the Jodi he used to know. Impossible to find behind the un-happiness in those eyes. Not easy to see in her bedraggled appearance. Hadn’t she been looking after herself? If he’d thought she’d been white before, he’d been totally wrong.

      A tiny knot of fear formed in his gut. What if she was telling him the truth? Jodi never dodged bullets; always told it like she saw it. So wouldn’t she have told him about a baby right from the get-go? Wouldn’t she? Maybe not. She’d always been fiercely independent.

      Not to mention the memory now flashing across his brain of how she’d called him the most unreliable man on the planet when it came to devoting time to her or anyone not involved in his work. Had even gone so far as to call him selfish. So she’d expect the same of him when it came to their child. At the time, her frank appraisal had stung. Honest to the point of being brutal. That was Jodi. And right now he’d swear that same honesty was blinking out at him.

      He tried to dampen the sarcasm. He really did. ‘You turn up here after all this time to tell me I’m a father. Do you honestly think I’m about to believe you without knowing more? Come on, I might not be top of your favourite people list but you also know I’m not stupid. If you were pregnant, why did you kick me out? I’d have been the gravy train.’

      He stood up and headed for the door. He couldn’t do this. He didn’t want to do it.

      You’re running away, big boy.

      Yeah, well, it hurt to think she’d even consider him fool enough to believe her. Hadn’t she got it? Way back? Got that he didn’t do commitment or that for ever stuff?

      Wake up. That’s probably why she never told you she was pregnant. ‘What took you so long to tell me?’ He ground the words out.

      ‘I tried to tell you.’

      ‘How come I missed that?’

      Her finger picked at her jeans. ‘I phoned the flat you moved to a few times but you were never there, night or day. I didn’t want to spring it on you in front of your colleagues in the ED. But finally I gave up thinking like that and tracked you down at work.’

      The hairs rose on the back of his neck. He knew what was coming. Hell, damn, double damn. Once again he’d blown it—big time.

      ‘You were well and truly absorbed in a nurse. That was some steamy kiss going on in the sluice room. Her arms must’ve taken a month to unwind from around you.’ Anger and hurt blended to turn her voice sad and low. ‘You’d got over me so fast I wondered if you’d even remembered my name.’

      Embarrassment made him squirm. ‘It was deliberate. To make you think I didn’t care. I saw you come into the department.’ He sounded like a fifteen-year-old. Actually, that was insulting all teens.

      Jodi gaped at him. ‘You did what?’

      ‘Yes, well, it kind of upset me when you kicked me out but I had no intention of showing you that.’ If only he’d known why Jodi had come looking for him that day. Would it have made any difference? He’d like to think he’d have stepped up to the mark.

      She was shaking her head at him. ‘Do you know what that stupid act did? The anguish it caused?’ She spluttered to a stop, twisted her fingers around each other and stared at her feet.

      ‘For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. But be fair, I had no idea why you were there. You still could’ve insisted on talking to me.’

      ‘I went away to think it all through. That took a lot longer than I’d expected.’ Did she mutter ‘Months longer’ under her breath?

      He felt beyond terrible. Despite everything he’d heard, that knot of fear hadn’t evaporated at all. But what happened now? What did he say? Do?

      Jodi’s voice wobbled but her words were loud and clear. ‘Trust me, I wouldn’t be telling you now if I could avoid it.’

      Stopping in mid-stride, he spun back to her. ‘Hey, I certainly didn’t ask for this. I’m not the one making you spill the beans.’ But I am the one behaving badly. Hear her out before showing her the door. It might be quicker and easier that way. And if there was something he could do for her then he’d do it just to show there were no hard feelings. Sure you’re not remembering how much you liked Jodi before she sent you packing? Sure you don’t want to make amends just a little bit for treating her so offhandedly back then? For kissing that dazzling blonde whose name you can’t recall?

      I was looking out for myself.

      Excuses, excuses.

      Jodi pulled herself upright and still looked small. But fighting hard. Like she wasn’t about to give up on this in a hurry. A mother protecting her child?

      That twist of fear grew bigger.

      ‘Mitchell, we can go the DNA route if you want proof Jamie is yours. But I think I can persuade you with this.’

      His gaze was glued to her as she slid her hand inside the back pocket of her jeans. As she began withdrawing a cellphone, a sudden landslide of emotion engulfed him. He knew without seeing whatever she was about to show him that finally everything he’d ever done, all the deliberate plans to remain unattached to anyone for ever had just come completely undone.

      He did know Jodi. Knew she’d never pull a stunt like this on anyone. Knew how she would not have hesitated to bring a child up on her own. Knew that she’d love that child more than life itself. All the arguing in his head couldn’t change that.

      Her hand shook violently as she held the opened phone out, a photo shining at him. ‘This is Jamie. Your boy.’

      He stared and stared at that phone, unable to reach for it because the moment he did he was finished. Life had come full circle on him. He’d spent years perfecting avoidance of commitment. Even his town house was just a building to sleep and shower in. His mouth was drier than a summer wind. His insides tossed and turned as though in a tumble dryer.

      ‘Mitch, take it. Please.’ A tear oozed from the corner of her eye.

      He had always been able to turn a blind eye to women’s tears. Until now. That solitary drop of water inching down her cheek arrowed straight to his heart. Jodi. Jamie.

      His fingers weren’t steady, probably never would be again. The phone slipped through her hand and his to the carpeted floor. Jodi didn’t move to pick it up, sat there peering up at him with those stricken eyes. Finally he reached down, swooped it up, turned it the right way round and, with a suck of air, met his son.

      He stared at his own reflection. At least, that’s what it looked like. The eyes looking out at him were the same shade of blue he saw in the mirror every time he shaved. The only difference about the straight dark hair was the style. Slightly too long and wild. The generous grin with even, white teeth; the straight, pointed nose. Even the ‘to hell with the world’ attitude in the little lad’s stance. This was himself thirty-three years ago.

      But this photo. The modern background and clothes. This was different. Not even he could deny this boy was his.

      Jamie was his son. He was a dad. Oh, my God.

      ‘Mitchell?’ His name hiccupped off Jodi’s lips.

      ‘Why now? Why not three years ago?’ He swallowed the bitter comments hovering on his tongue. He mightn’t want to be a father, or to even know he was one, but she should’ve told him, given him the choice of what to do about the situation. Except Jodi knew him all too well, had known he’d resist with every fibre in his body. What had changed her mind about telling him?

      Jodi grimaced, went back to twisting her fingers round and round. The desolation in her face