Divorce Dollars. Akeela Davis

      The divorce rate among baby boomers is sharply higher than among earlier generations, Statistics Canada census data show.

      The proportion of the population that was divorced at age 35 to 44 was about 14% for boomers born between 1947 and 1961, dramatically greater than the 10% for people born between 1937–46, 6% for those born from 1927–36 and a mere 1% for those born from 1917–26.

      If anything, the divorce rates may greatly understate the level of family breakups, says Leroy Stone, Statistics Canada’s associate director general of analytical studies.

      “It could be that as you go deeper into the baby boom generation, you had more and more people staying out of marriages and going into common law, so that by the time they got to 35 to 44, there’d be less of them to be divorced because they hadn’t got married in the first place,” he says.

      “And the breakups in common law are way, way higher than in legal marriages. I mean way higher, and the impacts on children are really sobering because they tend to happen when the children are really young much more often than with the legal marriages.”

      That would suggest the bonds between common-law couples and between them and their children would be even weaker after a split than among members of a family divided by divorce.

      And on balance, the researchers “predict that the number of individuals living alone in old age will show new and sustained growth” once the first of the baby boomers begins to reach age 65 in 2011.

      But divorce, not to mention the breakup of common-law relationships, may not only “lower the amount of support from children to their older parents” but also the financial help that the parents are able or willing to give their adult children.

      Research has shown “that older parents with intact marriages give more support for their adult children than do those whose marriages have been disrupted by widowhood or divorce.”

      “The problem that we have when we talk either about government policy or the implications of trends,” said Ms. Connidis, “is that we apply our current understanding to a very different group of people.

      “If we look at the parents of the baby boom, they’ve generally been fairly well off,” she said. “The situation for the baby boom could be quite different.”

      A problem, however is that researchers don’t know what the price to individuals, and taxpayers, of divorce on the elderly might be because most research has focused on the impact on children.

      Bob Glossop, of the Vanier Institute of the Family, agrees with the Statistics Canada report that more research is needed.

      “We’ve never thought forward to the impact of divorce on an ageing population,” he noted.

      And there are potential safety nets for divorced women. For example, more have been in the labor force than in earlier generations, they tend to be closer to their children after a divorce, and they appear more able to form social support networks than men.

      The purpose of including the above article is to make the point that financial reality, not emotions, should be a primary motivator in the settlement negotiation process.

      Your future — not the playing out of old patterns or the settling of old scores — is what your divorce settlement should be all about. Staying focused on the future can help you obtain the best settlement possible.

      2

      The Language of Separation and Divorce

       It is still not enough for language to have clarity and content … it must also have a goal and an imperative.

      — René Daumal (1908–1944), French poet

      The separation and divorce process is akin to waking up in a foreign country. Lost and confused, you have just enough knowledge of the language to know that you are missing the substance of the conversation. Consider this section your quick-start travel guide. Its purpose is to explain the essential terms of the language of separation and divorce. Understanding the language will help make it easier for you to follow the process you now find yourself facing.

      This list is not complete. It is not a list of legal definitions; it is a list of user-friendly definitions, which may mean that it is somewhat generalized. If you want the precise legal definition of any term, it is best to consult a lawyer.

      Another caution to keep in mind throughout this book is that nothing in the legal system is written in stone. When a case goes to court, the outcome is dependent on the case itself, the way it is presented, and on the judge who is hearing it. The information presented in this book is intended to help you make informed decisions. It in no way predicts a specific outcome. Always consult the appropriate professional for advice specific to your case.

      This information is included as a chapter rather than as a glossary because it is important for you to review the terms before you get into the details.

      The following terms will begin your separation and divorce primer:

      Access: Visitation rights of the non-custodial parent and other interested parties, such as a grandparent.

      Age of majority: The age at which a person acquires all the legal rights of an adult in the jurisdiction in which he or she lives. In most places, this age is assumed to be 18. In some states or provinces, it may be an older age. Check your state or province’s website for more information on the age of majority in your area.

      Annual income: Income earned in one year from all sources, including salary, self-employment, rental, investments, and other sources.

      Case law: A term used to reflect how the courts interpret laws. Case law (or common law, as it is sometimes called) is law based on previous decisions by judges.

      Child of the marriage: Any dependent child (due to age, disability, or other cause) to whom the married couple acted as parents, including children who are not biologically related to the spouses, such as stepchildren and adopted children.

      Community property/marital property/family assets: Property (assets and debts) acquired since the date of the marriage, regardless of the name in which the property is registered. (As property division is governed by state or provincial law, the terms used in the acts vary, but the meaning is usually the same.) The only potential exceptions are inheritances, some insurance settlements, and direct gifts to one party. The word “potential” is important, as different rules apply to different jurisdictions.

      Consent order: An agreement between the parties involved in the separation or divorce that has been reviewed by a judge to ensure that it is reasonable. If children are involved, the judge reviews the agreement to ensure that it is in the best interest of the child. Consent orders may be used to change a previous court order.

      Contested divorce: A divorce in which there are areas of disagreement; for example, property division, support, or custody.

      Court order: The decision or ruling handed down by a judge. For example, when parents cannot agree on child custody or child support, either one may ask the judge to decide. The decision becomes a court order.

      Court registry: Places where all court records of open cases are kept (usually the courthouse). Your divorce application should be filed at the registry closest to your place of residence. There is also a central divorce registry kept by the federal government. If you are not sure if your spouse has filed for divorce, or if you suspect your spouse may have filed for divorce in another state or province, you can check with the central registry.

      Divorce: The process laid out by federal law under which a marriage is legally terminated.

      Divorce order/decree: The final outcome of divorce proceedings. The order or decree is a court order stating that the marriage is dissolved.

      Imputing income: Done when the court feels that the amount of income a spouse