Merton of the Movies. Harry Leon Wilson

that would make his shoulders a trifle more like Harold Parmalee’s. This rite concluded, he knelt by his narrow cot and prayed briefly.

      “Oh, God, make me a good movie actor! Make me one of the best! For Jesus’sake, amen!”

      CHAPTER III

      WESTERN STUFF

      SATURDAY PROVED ALL that his black forebodings had pictured it — a day of sordid, harassing toil; toil, moreover, for which Gashwiler, the beneficiary, showed but the scantest appreciation. Indeed, the day opened with a disagreement between the forward-looking clerk and his hide-bound reactionary. Gashwiler had reached the store at his accustomed hour of 8:30 to find Merton embellishing the bulletin board in front with legends setting forth especial bargains of the day to be had within.

      Chalk in hand, he had neatly written, “See our new importation of taffetas, $2.59 the yard.” Below this he was in the act of putting down, “Try our choice Honey-dew spinach, 20 cts. the can.” “Try our Preferred Chipped Beef, 58 cts. the pound.”

      He was especially liking that use of “the.” It sounded modern. Yet along came Gashwiler, as if seeking an early excuse to nag, and criticized this.

      “Why don’t you say ‘a yard,’ ‘a can,’ ‘a pound’?” he demanded harshly. “What’s the sense of that there ‘the’ stuff? Looks to me like just putting on a few airs. You keep to plain language and our patrons’ll like it a lot better.” Viciously Merton Gill rubbed out the modern “the” and substituted the desired “a.”

      “Very well,” he assented, “if you’d rather stick to the old-fashioned way; but I can tell you that’s the way city stores do it. I thought you might want to be up to date, but I see I made a great mistake.”

      “Humph!” said Gashwiler, unbitten by this irony. “I guess the old way’s good enough, long’s our prices are always right. Don’t forget to put on that canned salmon. I had that in stock for nearly a year now — and say it’s 20 cents ‘a’ can, not ‘the’ can. Also say it’s a grand reduction from 35 cents.”

      That was always the way. You never could please the old grouch. And so began the labor that lasted until nine that night. Merton must count out eggs and weigh butter that was brought in. He must do up sugar and grind coffee and measure dress goods and match silks; he must with the suavest gentility ask if there would not be something else today; and he must see that babies hazardously left on counters did not roll off.

      He lived in a vortex of mental confusion, performing his tasks mechanically. When drawing a gallon of kerosene or refolding the shown dress goods, or at any task not requiring him to be genially talkative, he would be saying to Miss Augusta Blivens in far-off Hollywood, “Yes, my wife is more than a wife. She is my best pal, and, I may also add, my severest critic.”

      There was but one break in the dreary monotony, and that was when Lowell Hardy, Simsbury’s highly artistic photographer, came in to leave an order for groceries. Lowell wore a soft hat with rakish brim, and affected low collars and flowing cravats, the artistic effect of these being heightened in his studio work by a purple velvet jacket. Even in Gashwiler’s he stood out as an artist. Merton received his order, and noting that Gashwiler was beyond earshot bespoke his services for the following afternoon.

      “Say, Lowell, be on the lot at two sharp tomorrow, will you? I want to shoot some Western stuff — some stills.”

      Merton thrilled as he used these highly technical phrases. He had not read his magazines for nothing.

      Lowell Hardy considered, then consented. He believed that he, too, might some day be called to Hollywood after they had seen the sort of work he could turn out. He always finished his art studies of Merton with great care, and took pains to have the artist’s signature entirely legible. “All right, Mert, I’ll be there. I got some new patent paper I’ll try out on these.”

      “On the lot at two sharp to shoot Western stuff,” repeated Merton with relish.

      “Right — o!” assented Lowell, and returned to more prosaic studio art.

      The day wore itself to a glad end. The last exigent customer had gone, the curtains were up, the lights were out, and at five minutes past nine the released slave, meeting Tessie Kearns at her front door, escorted her with a high heart to the second show at the Bijou Palace. They debated staying out until after the wretched comedy had been run, but later agreed that they should see this, as Tessie keenly wished to know why people laughed at such things. The antics of the painfully cross-eyed man distressed them both, though the mental inferiors by whom they were surrounded laughed noisily. Merton wondered how any producer could bring himself to debase so great an art, and Tessie wondered if she hadn’t, in a way, been aiming over the public’s head with her scenarios. After all, you had to give the public what it wanted. She began to devise comedy elements for her next drama.

      But The Hazards of Hortense came mercifully to soothe their annoyance. The slim little girl with a wistful smile underwent a rich variety of hazards, each threatening a terrible death. Through them all she came unscathed, leaving behind her a trail of infuriated scoundrels whom she had thwarted. She escaped from an underworld den in a Chicago slum just in the nick of time, cleverly concealing herself in the branches of the great eucalyptus tree that grew hard by, while her maddened pursuers scattered in their search for the prize. Again she was captured, this time to be conveyed by airplane, a helpless prisoner and subject to the most fiendish insults by Black Steve, to the frozen North. But in the far Alaskan wilds she eluded the fiends and drove swiftly over the frozen wastes with their only dog team. Having left her pursuers far behind, she decided to rest for the night in a deserted cabin along the way. Here a blizzard drove snow through the chinks between the logs, and a pack of fierce wolves besieged her. She tried to bar the door, but the bar was gone. At that moment she heard a call. Could it be Black Steve again? No, thank heaven! The door was pushed open and there stood Ralph Murdock, her fiancé. There was a quick embrace and words of cheer from Ralph. They must go on.

      But no, the wind cut like a knife, and the wolves still prowled. The film here showed a running insert of cruel wolves exposing all their fangs. Ralph had lost his rifle. He went now to put his arm through the iron loops in place of the missing bar. The wolves sought to push open the door, but Ralph’s arm foiled them.

      Then the outside of the cabin was shown, with Black Steve and his three ugly companions furtively approaching. The wolves had gone, but human wolves, 10,000 times more cruel, had come in their place. Back in the cabin Ralph and Hortense discovered that the wolves had gone. It had an ugly look. Why should the wolves go? Ralph opened the door and they both peered out. There in the shadow of a eucalyptus tree stood Black Steve and his dastardly crew. They were about to storm the cabin. All was undoubtedly lost.

      Not until the following week would the world learn how Hortense and her manly fiancé had escaped this trap. Again had Beulah Baxter striven and suffered to give the public something better and finer.

      “A wonder girl,” declared Merton when they were again in the open. “That’s what I call her — a wonder girl. And she owes it all to hard, unceasing struggle and work and pains and being careful. You ought to read that new interview with her in this month’s Silver Screenings.”

      “Yes, yes, she’s wonderful,” assented Tessie as they strolled to the door of her shop. “But I’ve been thinking about comedy. You know my new one I’m writing — of course it’s a big, vital theme, all about a heartless wife with her mind wholly on society and bridge clubs and dancing and that sort of dissipation, and her husband is Hubert Glendenning, a studious young lawyer who doesn’t like to go out evenings but would rather play with the kiddies a bit after their mother has gone to a party, or read over some legal documents in the library, which is very beautifully furnished; and her old school friend, Corona Bartlett, comes to stay at the house, a very voluptuous type, high colored, with black hair and lots of turquoise jewellery, and she’s a bad woman through and through, and been divorced and everything by a man whose heart she broke, and she’s become a mere adventuress with a secret vice — she takes perfume in her tea, like I saw that one did — and all her evil instincts are aroused at