One by One. Nicholas Bush

      

      One by One

      Nicholas Bush

      One by One

      A MEMOIR OF LOVE AND

      LOSS IN THE SHADOWS

      OF OPIOID AMERICA

      One by One: A Memoir of Love and Loss in the Shadows of Opioid America

      Copyright © 2018 by Nicholas Bush.

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without the written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be sent by email to Apollo Publishers at [email protected].

      Apollo Publishers books may be purchased for educational, business, or sales promotional use. Special editions may be made available upon request. For details, contact Apollo Publishers at [email protected].

      Visit our website at www.apollopublishers.com.

      Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.

      Cover design by Rain Saukas.

      Print ISBN: 978-1-948062-16-9

      Ebook ISBN: 978-1-948062-17-6

      Printed in the United States of America

      The content in this book is based off the author’s memories and personal opinions. Actual events, conversations, locales, persons, entities, and other details may vary. Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals. While best efforts have been used in preparing this book, the author and publisher make no representations or warranties of any kind and assume no liabilities of any kind with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents or the opinions expressed. Neither the author nor the publisher shall be held liable or responsible to any person or entity with respect to any loss or incidental or consequential damages caused, or alleged to have been caused, directly or indirectly, by the content contained herein.

      Dedication

      This book is dedicated to my parents, Nan and Terry. Having kids

      of my own makes me realize what they’ve gone through, and my heart goes out to them and the parents of all addicts. It’s with the hope that this book will prevent others from going through the same thing they have, watching their kids die, that I dedicate the following pages to my parents.

      Contents

       Author’s Note

       Prologue

       Part One

       Chapter 1

       Chapter 2

       Chapter 3

       Chapter 4

       Chapter 5

       Chapter 6

       Part Two

       Chapter 7

       Chapter 8

       Chapter 9

       Chapter 10

       Chapter 11

       Chapter 12

       Part Three

       Chapter 13

       Chapter 14

       Chapter 15

       Epilogue

       Resources

       Acknowledgments

      Author’s Note

      My mind is etched with memories, both good and bad. They’re with me day in and day out. Some are so warming that I cannot help but let them bring a smile to my face—and some are more like daggers or a searing fire inside me. Sometimes they weigh so heavily on me that I cannot breathe and I have to find a place to store them.

      What I’ve attempted to do in the following pages is to piece together episodes from my past. While I’ve been honest about the appeal my choices held for me at the time, I’ve tried not to engage in hollow boasting about past episodes, which would be dishonoring and distasteful. I could have glorified the partying lifestyle I led, as countless movies, novels, and songs have done, but I would be committing an injustice to the truth if I neglected to mention the criminal lifestyle that the nonstop party path led me to. I ended up in military school against my will, was the subject of three felony investigations, was in and out of jail five times and on probation twice, and was brought in for questioning, often in handcuffs, more times than I can remember.

      And then there was the pain my addiction caused me and those around me. At various times I was homeless, held at gunpoint, robbed, had my apartment ransacked (more than once), and was in rehab (twice). Two of my family members and three of my friends died from heroin overdoses, and two of my friends were shot to death. But these aspects of my story, while worth mentioning here and elaborating on later in greater detail, are not what I want readers to take away from this book. The essence of what I hope you carry with you after reading my story is the knowledge that there is help and hope for addiction. This is not an instructional book on how to get better; I’m certainly not a therapist or a doctor. But if you are a reader who is struggling with addiction or you are a family member or friend of one, I cannot in good faith tell my story without first telling you that you or your loved one can get better. I was once broken, hopeless, and lost. I’ve had two near-fatal overdoses, and suffered from disease and paralysis; it’s a miracle I’m still alive. Please know that even if rock bottom has been hit, there is still a path of escape, a path of recovery.

      I also want to show the judicial system that addiction is a scientifically proven behavioral disease that cannot be punished out of a person. A more progressive approach is needed in order to monitor addicts who refuse treatment and