Название | I-SOVIET MUTANTS. Amaphupho amnandi |
---|---|
Автор произведения | СтаВл Зосимов Премудрословски |
Жанр | Юмор: прочее |
Серия | |
Издательство | Юмор: прочее |
Год выпуска | 0 |
isbn | 9785005092366 |
Amaphupho amnandi
StaVl Zosimov Premudroslovsky
© StaVl Zosimov Premudroslovsky, 2019
ISBN 978-5-0050-9236-6
Created with Ridero smart publishing system
IRABUKA YOKUQALA
apulase kuqala
ulwazinge
Kude-kude kumda we-USSR yangaphambili (ngoku eyi-Kazakhstan) ne China, kumazantsi mpuma e-Semipalatinsk, kufutshane nomzi we-Ayaguz, otolikwe njenge «Oh inkunzi», bekukho umhlaba wovavanyo lwenyukliya onesimo se-radioactive esosulelayo esifunyenwe kukungakhathali kososayensi abasebenzayo. Kuyo yonke indawo esingqongileyo, ukuguquka okungafaniyo kuhlala kuvame ukwenzeka, kuguquko ezahlukeneyo: ke iintloko ezimbini ziya kuzalwa kumzimba omnye we-mutton; emva koko imisila emibini – kwiliza okanye kwinyoka; ke iinyawo ezintathu kunye nesandla esinye, kwinzala kaTemujin (Genghis Khan), umhlali walapha. Kwaye kwenzeka ukuba abaqhelekileyo bazalwe, njengo-Sparrow Stasyan, umzekelo.
Kwakungekho siphene emzimbeni wakhe, yonke into yayihamba ngendlela ebifanele yenziwe ngayo: umsila, umlomo, amehlo kunye nokunye… Yonke into yayifana nongqengqelo, kodwa wayenengxaki yeplamu. Ngokuchanekileyo, kwakungekho manzi konke konke, kwaye wayeyimpandla ngokupheleleyo. Kwaye ke, kususela ekuzalweni, yena, ubomi bakhe obunzima, wanyanzelwa ukuba achithe emhlabeni, ebi kakhulu kunenkukhu, nokuba ubuncinci beflatters. Kodwa akukho kubi ngakumbi kunenja okanye ixhwili, ingenakhaya okanye imouse… Ngamafutshane, angaze aye ezulwini, njengezalamane zabo ezinamehlo, abamgculela ngokumbiza, bemhlazisa, bememeza kwizidleke, sele sele zinamantshontsho. Kwaye noStasyan ade amkhulula kuye – eli bala ulukhathazile entloko edakumbile kwaye elila emphefumlweni, ehamba ejikeleza omnye umntu. Kwaye kunjalo yonke imihla. Kodwa wayekufuna ngenene ukubhabha, ukuba wayengumntu olele ubuthongo ebuthongweni bakhe, nditsho nokuzama ukuthatha ngaphezulu kwesisodwa, ke inyani ayisiyonto iphupha yena, xhumaxhuma kwiJava kwaye ebekwindlela yokulala umntu othuleyo, waphakamisa amaphiko akhe asisiqhwithi, waphinda wawela emhlabeni…kwaye kwenzeka, wabetha ebunzini lakhe, emva koko ilitye lokusila. Into angakhange azame, kodwa akukho nto ithathe indawo yeentsiba zakhe.
Kwangelo xesha, kwathi kamva, ngenxa yemfesane lathatha ububele kumphandle onkcenkcesheleyo, kwaye kwakhona, ebaleka ikati elahlekileyo eyayifuna ukumqwenga, wafumana isidumbu esibolileyo. Iimpethu zazimgone kakuhle umfi, kwaye iintsiba zimane zilala emathanjeni phantsi komgaqo wenkunkuma yabantu. Wathatha iintsiba ezimbini zokozela, wazishukumisa njengamaphiko, wajika, wasuka emhlabeni. Waphupha ngathi yokhozi luphaphazela phezulu esibhakabhakeni kwaye lilandelela le lekati iludla kwisidlo sakusasa, ngeloxesha eyayizama ukubamba kwaye inyanzelise umntu osweleyo- umntu okhubazekileyo onengxaki yokuvavanywa okungekho mgangathweni kwenyukliya enemitha yokusa kwisibhakabhaka. Kodwa ukubamba iintsiba emathangeni akhe kwaye egobe iminwe yakhe, bekungeyonto ilula ukuyikhupha kwaye engasetyenzisanga ukutsiba phezulu, ingakumbi kuba kwakungekho msila weentsiba kwaye uStasyan akakwazanga ukuloba, ukuze ajike ngasekhohlo, ekunene, phezulu nasezantsi, kwakufuneka emhlabeni, ajike ajike ngomlomo nangengubo ebuyela ezulwini. Ewe, kwaye awuyi kwicala langasese phantsi kwendlu yangasese. Kwakufuneka ndenze indawo yokukhawulezileyo, ekhokelela ekulimaleni kwisithsaba kunye nomlomo, kuba ngokufuthi bayabanciphisa. Ewe, wafunda ukubhabha ngolu hlobo kwakungekho kudala, de iintsiba zathatyathwa zizihlobo zakhe kwakhona waqala waphila, wasinda, ebaleka efihla. Kodwa kumlo olandelayo, waphinda kwakhona, okomnye wabonakala ngathi ungqhekeka, waphosa phantsi, waphiliswa. Kodwa kanye xa uStasyan engafumananga ngempumelelo kumhlaba omtsha, ongumntu, engenakhaya, eshushu, enjeya imveliso eneswekile yomgubo wesisu. Ngelizwi, kwi-shit. Ukuziva kwakungekho mnandi, kwaye kuyimfuneko ukuhlamba, kodwa kukho ukunqongophala kwamanzi: emva kwayo yonke loo nto, indawo ye-steppe. Abantu bathatha amanzi equleni. Kwaye umlambo womisa phakathi phakathi kwehlobo, akunakubakho iimvula ezinye iinyanga ezintandathu, ilanga litshonile. Kuya kufuneka silinde de iphele i-shit kwaye inyamalale ngokwayo – uStasyan wacinga ngokuvakalayo kwaye, esiya kwicala elinelanga, walala ngomqolo waqala ukulinda.
Kwaye ngelo xesha, iqela leempukane eziluhlaza ezilusizi zazisondela kufutshane, apho uStasyan wayengazi nto ngayo. Hayi, wazibona iimpukane ebomini bakhe kwaye wazitya, kodwa zafa kuphela kwaye zomile, njengezisele zebhiya. Abaphilayo bahlala bemjikeleza, ukuze bangabi ziziqhu, zesisu sentaka yakhe. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, iintaka zihlafuna isisu sazo. Kwaye ngalo mzuzu, ivumba lokugoba kunye nokubonakala okungaqondakaliyo, njengesiqu senkunkuma yomdalo wehashe, wakufihla ukuthanda kwakhe intaka yexhoba, enkulu ngeempukane. URoy wajikeleza ungqengqele entloko kwaye wenza indawo yokuhlala ngexesha lesidlo sasemini, watsiba ngaxeshanye, kodwa kwakungekho. Inkunkuma yayinzima phambi kwamehlo kwaye imilenze yeempukane ezinomdaka zibambelele kuwo wonke umzimba. Ngamaxesha athile iimpukane zazitshintshwa kwindawo, ngaloo ndlela zithintela ii-paws zazo ekugqibeleni ukuba zinamathele kukutya. Ezona mpukane ziphambili, zazifuna ukukhupha umthetho wokuba kutshintshwe iindawo, xa yayimiswe ngamehlo kaStasyan ovulekileyo, phambi kwayo ibekwincam yomlomo wayo.
– Yima!! UStasyan wancuma.
– Ungubani? -inkokeli ibuzwe ngenxa yokoyika- Ndiyinkosi yakho, uyaqonda?
– Ewe.
– Bizwa, khoboka lam!
– Isithandwa … – Njani?
– Molo…
– Ngaba ndiza kubiza isithandwa esiPhezulu?
– Unokuthi: «bhabha i-honey.»
– Fly Honey … – UStasyan wanikina intloko. – kutheni sithandwa?
– Emnandi, uyazi? Iinyosi zinxiba…
– Sithandwa, okanye yintoni?
– Ngokombono wakho-Isithandwa, kodwa ngombono wethu – Isithandwa. Ewe, sabhabha…
Ezona mpukane ziphambili zizamile ukukhupha i-paws yayo, kodwa yayiselide kakhulu, kwaye amaphiko azo akhawuleza ngaxeshanye, kodwa amandla omoya abambe ungqengqeleko, kwaye waqonda ukuba kufuneka atsibe kwaye athumele umyalezo:
– Eureka!!! -Waza waqhoqhoba umva wakhe njengenja. Iimpukane zibambe umsinga womoya kwaye yathwala indoda ephethe phezulu emhlabeni. Ukusuka kumgqomo wenkunkuma okufutshane, ikati enye ikhutshiwe ngaphandle kwaye yatsiba ukuya kwindawo yokuphaphazela emdaka ebalekayo.
– Uphakamileyo, phezulu, ubhabha sithandwa!!! -U-Stasyan wakhwaza, ngolwimi olungaqondakaliyo kubantu nakwiikati, kodwa iimpukane zamqonda nasemva kokuba ishumi elinesihlanu lomlingane wabo etyile, balithobela ngoko nangoko imiyalelo yakhe, ikhulu lekhulu. Ke waba ngumphathi weqela labakhweli, kwaye inkokheli yabo yangaphambili yasamkela ngokuzithandela isikhundla sokuba ngumqhubi-wenqwelomoya kwaye bavumelana emntwini wayo zonke izihlobo zakhe ukuba uHerr Stasyan akazange ababhuqe, bayakulungela ukumkhonza ngokuthembekileyo. Ke umqwenga webhadi walayita wangena kwiintaka kwaye, ngaphezu koko, waqala ukundiza kabini ngokukhawuleza kwizalamane zakhe nangaphezulu, njengoKhozi lwangempela.
Ukhozi oluzibhakabhayo lubukele esibhakabhakeni kwaye lwabona umntu oza kukhuphisana naye esondela emhlabeni. Phambi kwelali, akukho mntu wayenakho kwaye ebengenalo ilungelo lokuphakama aye kwinqanaba loKhozi, kwaye le …?!? -i-boor nje kunye nokungazi!! -acinga Ukhozi kwaye wabamba uStasyan ngempukane ngepali yakhe, wayizisa eluhambeni oloyikekayo, olunamandla, olukhulu umlomo.
– Ungubani? Wakhula, njenge gramophone, esiya kulo lonke izulu kwaye waqaqanjelwa ngamehlo ngathi yinyani yeentaba, etshica kwispiritra esimuncu samathe amnyama asuka kumandundu, njengesixhobo sepemakhrofoni kwaye kuvuthuza iimpukane. Zimbalwa iimpukane ezilikhulu ezabethwa kwangoko, ngaphandle kwamadolo.
– Yea? Ewe, ndim lo… Ukhozi. -othuswe, kwilizwi elingcangcazelayo, waphendula uStasyan. -fana ne-tee, uh… kunye nomdlwenguli.
– Bambelela kumniniwo, sikunye nawe!!! -ikwayala iyaduma kwaye ihlebeze, iseleyo kwisiqingatha sesigidi seempukane.
– Ukhozi, okanye yintoni?! Ewe? -Ikhozi lavula umlomo wayo, kakhulu ukuba ingabi ngoongqatyana bodwa, kodwa neempukane, ezazingoyiki konke konke, kodwa endaweni yoko: zavingcisa amehlo abo zaza zathoba kwangoko.
– Ewe, ndingu-Oryol!! – wakhwaza uStasyan, wazama ukuphuma phantsi kwezigqoko zesilo esomeleleyo sezulu. Kodwa i-Eagle ukusuka ebuntwaneni, njengabo bonke abantwana, yayisoyika ukuqhula kwaye umnqweno wakhe wokuchoboza i-boor kunye ne-impostor, wasilela.