Freaks. Darren Craske

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      Caroline Smailes and Nik Perring

      Freaks!

      Illustrated by Darren Craske

      Dedication

      To all who, if only for a moment,

       felt that they didn’t belong.

      Epigraph

      ‘But Lord! to see the absurd nature of Englishmen, that cannot forbear laughing and jeering at everything that looks strange’

      SAMUEL PEPYS (1633–1703)

      Contents

      Title Page

      Dedication

      Epigraph

       The Photocopier

       Statuesque

       Charlie and the Bees

       The Six Days of Stetson

       She Sees, Too

       The Freak Show

       Clipped Wings

       In Her Basket

       Fifty Per Cent

       Invisible

       Sixteen

       Faulty Baby

       Dancing With Annie

       Soup

       The Boner

       Hello

       One Day

       Zombie Bangers

       Getting the Girl

       They Are There to Listen

       Weight

       Molly

       Dear You

       Control

       No Sudden Movements

       Dream Lover

       Once I Caught a Fish Alive

       Before I Lost You

       The Plastic Boy

       Translated

       The Girl Who Made People Glad

       My Boss

       My Lover’s Shoes Don’t Fit Me (Any More)

       Skinny Bitch

       The Watermelon King

       Dolly’s Magic Sweater

       Jimmy Swift

       Damaged

       My Dad’s Boyfriend

       Betty

       I Want You to Ride Me Like a Pony

       Magic Beans

       Boy

       What He Said

       Wish You Were Here

       Beauty

       Maman, Flying

      Acknowledgements

      About the Authors

      Other Books by Caroline Smailes, Nik Perring and Darren Craske

      Credits

      Copyright

      About the Publisher

      THE FREAKS:

      Some of these stories have been written by Nik. Some of these stories have been written by Caroline. Some we’ve written together. But in the true spirit of superheroes, we couldn’t possibly reveal our identities.

      THE STORIES:

      The Photocopier. Statuesque. Charlie and the Bees. The Six Days of Stetson. She Sees Too. The Freak Show. Clipped Wings. In Her Basket. Fifty Per Cent (1). Fifty Per Cent (2). Invisible. Sixteen. Faulty Baby. Dancing With Annie. Soup. The Boner. Hello. One Day. Zombie Bangers. Getting the Girl. They Are There to Listen. Weight. Molly. Dear You. Control. No Sudden Movements. Dream Lover (1). Dream Lover (2). Once I Caught a Fish Alive. Before I Lost You. The Plastic Boy. Translated. The Girl Who Made People Glad. My Boss. My Lover’s Shoes Don’t Fit Me (Any More). Skinny Bitch. The Watermelon King. Dolly’s Magic Sweater. Jimmy Swift. Damaged. My Dad’s Boyfriend. Betty. I Want You to Ride Me Like a Pony. Magic Beans. Boy. What He Said. Wish You Were Here (1). Wish You Were Here (2). Beauty. Maman, Flying.