Assert Yourself: Simple Steps to Build Your Confidence. Gael Lindenfield

       To my daughters, Susie and Laura, who have taught me so much about assertiveness.

      Contents

       Cover

       Title Page

      Be Assertive – Poster

      Acknowledgements

      Note to 2014 Edition

      Introduction

       Introduction to 2001 Edition

Part One: Ideas and Theory of Assertiveness Training

Chapter 1: Arguments for Assertiveness

Chapter 2: The Essence of Assertiveness

       Chapter 3: Knowing Your Rights

       Chapter 4: The Art of Being Positive

       Chapter 5: Fundamental Assertive Skills

       Chapter 6: Self-Protective Skills

       Chapter 7: Getting Prepared

       Part Two: Practical Work

       Chapter 8: Practical Work on Chapter 1 – Arguments for Assertiveness

       Chapter 9: Practical Work on Chapter 2 – The Essence of Assertiveness

       Chapter 10: Practical Work on Chapter 3 – Knowing Your Rights

       Chapter 11: Practical Work on Chapter 4 – The Art of Being Positive

       Chapter 12: Practical Work on Chapter 5 – Fundamental Assertive Skills

       Chapter 13: Practical Work on Chapter 6 – Self-Protective Skills

       Chapter 14: Practical Work on Chapter 7 – Getting Prepared

       Chapter 15: Some Suggestions for Further Study

       By the same author

       Other Titles in This Series

       List of Searchable Terms

       Copyright

       About the Publisher

       Be Assertive

Compromise	only if it’s reasonable to do so
Open	and be honest
Negotiate	firmly and wisely
Fair	to you as well as others!
Innovate	don’t wait for others – or fate
Direct	and clear in your speech
Expressive	show your feelings when appropriate
Non-verbal	use your body and beware of hidden messages
Chance	take risks
Empower	everyone!

       Acknowledgements

      Most importantly, I would like to thank all the people who have attended my courses and given me such helpful and constructive feedback.

      I would also like to thank Robert Adams for so willingly helping me to prepare the final text for publication.

      Finally, I must thank my husband for his constant encouragement and challenge to my own assertiveness!

       Note to 2014 Edition

      Although I wrote this book several years ago, it still offers a very good introduction to the subject, and the exercises will still work well for both individuals and self-help groups. The world, however, has changed quite dramatically since the book was written. The pace of life has become very much faster and more competitive for most people. As a consequence, personal stress has become a major mental and physical health issue. Assertiveness is a skill that we now need perhaps more than ever. When used in important situations – and in relationships that are diminishing or threatening our personal resources of time and emotional and physical energy – it is invaluable. For those of you who are still novices at using these techniques, you may be surprised to hear that I now would like to make a plea for the usefulness of passivity!

      When I first wrote this book most people didn’t even know what the word ‘assertiveness’ meant. Now almost everyone does and assertive behaviour is generally expected of us all – not just at work, but also in our personal relationships. Over the last few years I have seen many people tire themselves needlessly by being too assertive all of the time! Once your self-esteem and self-confidence are in good shape, you might naturally find yourself letting many minor put-downs and unfair situations pass by without a challenge. But even if they are still shaky, remember that you can also decide to be passive from time to time, especially if you are tired or stressed. If you later decide that the issue is one that is important to you, you can always use your assertive skills to bring it up again. You will undoubtedly handle it better when you have had time to reflect and recoup your energy.

       Introduction

      This book is based on an Assertiveness Training Programme which I used with a variety of groups over many years. It is, by no means, a definitive model either for myself or anyone else. It can and should be adapted, abridged, expanded – or indeed abandoned according to your own individual needs. In writing it, I have aimed to provide the following:

       1. A Concise, Simple Account of the Theory and Principles

      – as they are applicable to both men and women living within our Western culture.

      Much of Assertiveness Training is concerned with changing or adapting our values, ideas and philosophy. Often we are unassertive merely because we think that it is wrong to be assertive. These thoughts may be quite deeply rooted in our minds as they are often placed there in early childhood and are embedded in the values of our culture. Our first task must, therefore, be to ‘reprogramme’ our minds by replacing the old unassertive values and thoughts with a more positive philosophy. From my own personal experience and the experience of people on my courses it seems that the repetition