Can't Not Do. Paul Shoemaker

Can’t Not DoThe Compelling Social Drive That Changes Our WorldPaul Shoemaker

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      Copyright © 2015 by Paul Shoemaker. All rights reserved.

      Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.

      Published simultaneously in Canada.

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       Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:

      Shoemaker, Paul, 1961-

      Can’t not do: the compelling social drive that changes our world / Paul Shoemaker

      pages cm

      Includes bibliographical references and index.

      ISBN 978-1-119-13159-5 (cloth); ISBN 978-1-119-13160-1 (ebk); ISBN 978-1-119-13161-8 (ebk)

      1. Social problems. 2. Social action. 3. Social change. I. Title.

      HN18.3.S56 2015

      303.4–dc23

      2015016669

      DEDICATION

Lori, Ben, Nick, and Sam, there is no way I am the person I am without each of you and all of you

      PROLOGUE: THE POWER OF CAN'T NOT DO

      I remember everything and nothing about August 9, 2013. I was sitting in a Seattle coffee shop when an e-mail flashed into my inbox. It was from a Wall Street Journal reporter I'd never heard of, asking if I knew anything about “the person whose plane had just crashed in East Haven, Connecticut.” I had no idea what the reporter was talking about and assumed he had the wrong guy. I reread it just to be sure and hit delete.

      Moments later, my phone rang. Through a flood of tears, my friend Susan asked me not talk to any media or answer their calls. Then she told me why. After she hung up, the next flood of tears was down my face. I prayed, desperate for some miracle, any miracle, but I knew the truth. I actually knew a lot about the person whose plane had crashed. Susan had just lost her remarkable husband and her beautiful son. Another family, on the ground, had lost their two wonderful young girls with their whole lives ahead of them. And we all lost a damn good man.

      That damn good man was Bill Henningsgaard. He had spent the first 20 years of his career building sales and international channels at Microsoft; he was universally respected. But he'd be the first to tell you that job was really just preparation for becoming a community leader, a catalyst, and an agent for positive social change in the fullest sense. He was the real deal. I had last spoken to Bill, my good friend and role model, just a few days before he and his 18-year-old son, Max, took off to visit colleges. He was one of the first people I interviewed for this book when I was trying to digest and distill, at a pretty casual pace at first, what I had been learning through the past 17 years of my work.

      I had been planning to take the lessons of people like Bill, inspiring nonprofit leaders, social innovators, philanthropists, and committed citizens, and share those stories in a way in which millions more could see themselves and find that deeper commitment to their community. It is no exaggeration to say that this tragedy steeled my resolve and commitment. I'd been mulling this over, thinking about writing a book, but my sense of urgency was given a jolt, albeit for the worst possible reason.

      I was asked to be one of the eulogists at Bill's service a week later. More than 1,000 people attended the service. I will never forget walking up to the lectern and turning around to see all of those faces and feeling all that shared pain. I took a few moments and just stood silent to look around the room and take it in. I got the courage to even breathe the first word because of what I felt emanating from the whole room: a shared, profound sense of sadness and loss we were all feeling together. And I felt one more thing…

      …a deep desire to share just a little of what I had learned about Bill and the kind of human being he was. In those gut-wrenching days after 8/9/13, dozens of people sent me notes about Bill, sharing how they felt about him and their reflections on him. One word was used numerous times, not a word commonly used to describe a person, but Bill was an uncommon person. That word was beacon. One of its dictionary definitions is simply, “Someone that guides or gives hope to others”…yep, that was Bill. It hurts writing these words right now.

      I asked Susan if it was okay to share Bill's story like this. She told me, “Absolutely! Sharing Bill's story, how he found his path and belief in the need for everyone to contribute, might help create the kind of world we hope to live in.” You'll hear more about my friend, Bill, later, but his life, and even the loss of him, galvanized my personal mission in a way I never expected. Now, I can't not be a messenger and share these stories and their collective wisdom. I can't not share what I've seen, heard, and lived from walking alongside all the people you'll read about here. I can't not use what I've learned to guide others, perhaps people like you, who feel the urge to do more for the world and to translate that impulse into action.

Can't Not Do – The Social Drive That Changes the World

      I can't not do this.

      It's not that I can do this, it's that I can't not.

      I don't have time to not make an impact.

      I could not imagine not.

      I don't remember the first time I heard someone use one of these grammatically incorrect phrases. But I hear these statements consistently, to this day, from educated and literate people. I know you have heard of “can-do” people, they are eager and willing, we admire them and hope our children become like them when they grow up. But the regular heroes you will meet in this book go way beyond can-do, they can't not do.

      These people make a decision at some point in their lives that there is something, some burning cause, in their world that they have to do something about. That they can't not do something about, like kindergarten readiness, leadership development, homelessness,