Out of the castle. Olga Zhvan

to wander around the world and to compose ballads.

      Self-pity and poignant sadness swept the girl who would have to meet his birthday in unknown place, in quiet solitude, and she burst into tears. It was strange that thought of a birthday party, but not the memory of all the events experienced there had caused such a storm in heart of Aurelia.

      – Borg! Booorg! Boooooorg! Wake up, please, please! – Aurelia did not even understand why tearfully was asking to wake up the one who probably did not even hear. She desperately wanted to hear his voice. Putting her head in her hands, she sobbed quietly, rather because of pity to herself than from any other feeling.

      – Veres! – was the quiet reply.

      Aurelia was silent, tears dried up instantly, and she listened to the uneven breathing of man.

      – Veres! – he repeated slowly and opened his eyes.

      Leaning over him Aurelia froze, absolutely different person was looking from the deep inside of the familiar eyes, as if he had been hiding at the bottom, and finally decided to appear.

      – Veres! Call! – his eyes closed and breathing became smooth.

      She rather thought of what she had to do than understood, Aurelia ran to the basement, where was a prostrate body with almost native person whose features were so much like the features of his executioner.

      – Veres! – still poorly believing in success, Aurelia decided to try nevertheless. – Veres! Wake up! You are alive!

      Aurelia put habitually hand on a body: one on the head, another on a chest. Also she looked into face. The same eyes were looking at her. The one who was hiding at the bottom of foreign soul, responded, returned, smiled… He simply escaped from tortures, from pain, for fear, from bitterness of defeat and treachery. He escaped in the blood on native hands, in foreign and uncomfortable soul, in crude gloomy fall and eyes without smile – in the brother who became his murderer. So it happened – the executioner performing the work with feeling of a burdensome debt, and his victim silently accepting the sentence executed by one who was always present at his life… To the death…

* * *

      After recovery of brothers, Aurelia spent in the castle some more time. She came back to the torment room several times.

      Every time after her visit, Aurelia saw the same dream. Some person brought her on the huge square paved by a cobble-stone and, having left in the center, left. She didn't see his face because she didn't look at it, lateral sight caught only a silhouette, which was the round-shouldered large man.

      She remained on that big square, looked around and saw the herd of horses rushed towards her. They were very large, beautiful, strong and fast. When they came nearer, Aurelia understood that her growth hardly reached their back. Inside there was a fear that they would trample her, the girl presses the head in shoulders more strongly, but didn’t move. Horses rushed by, bent around a lonely figure and move further. She saw how the sea of gray and brown backs parted, without concerning, without touching and without injuring the girl because all of them – each of them – saw her. Some horses were with equestrians on backs, some were with empty saddles. She looked at them and thought that she had to jump in one of saddles and run together with them, but for some reason she was standing and waiting for that person who had brought her on that square.

      When the herd passed, there was the person on the edge of the square, he brought a horse for her. It was small (the back hardly reached to the girl’s waist), thick and clumsy. When Aurelia sat down on it, she fell together with it and understood that horse didn’t suit her absolutely, and the girl didn't want to go on it. The man insisted, and Aurelia started arguing with him, refusing to sit down on it. The only thought was in her mind why he was making decision for her and gave her the ugliest, weak, fat horse? It was offensive, annoying and the rage arose in her soul. The girl understood that she had missed many good horses. But during the next instant she calmed down, understanding what horse she precisely needed. So, the girl would have it soon.

      And now she woke up with the idea that she knew what to do, and in the final awakening experienced a desire to tell about the dream to Borg, and hear from him the explanations, as if he knew about her own dreams much more than she. Faceless silent servant dutifully stood beside the bed, holding a pitcher and a towel. After her awakening he slowly and ceremoniously put the jug on the bedside table, covered with a clean towel and left.

* * *

      The table had been already laid, two men when she appeared, silently rose from their seats and fell down. Two pairs of colored eyes were showing the same thing. Aurelia had not learned how brothers made peace. As usual in the castle was silence more often than talks. And Aurelia decided that time not to ask questions but enjoy delicious dishes…

      – You, at last, understood. There is no power of one more feeling inside you, it is the strongest, and with it you will become the great healer. You will find other shades in a way. And now you have to go. – The silence was scattered on splinters from the sound of voice which suddenly became so close.

      – I thought, you would let me go.

      – I let you go!

      – Home! – confused Aurelia could tell nothing more…

      – What have you got there, in the place which you call home? – Borg said.

      – Well… Life… – Aurelia suddenly caught herself thinking that she began to forget that she had had there. The word «home» didn’t mean anything to her but only the memory of a gloomy castle, where she had spent the last few months: – And where do I go now?!

      – Not you alone! Both of you! – Borg looked at his brother for a long moment, and added a little quieter, referring to the Aurelia – He needs you!

      Aurelia remembered the words he had said at the very beginning of their acquaintance, «You are the doctor and your duty is to give, to heal, to be there where people need you, and give to those who ask.»

      «Here again, I was asked not by someone who needs me» – sadly thought Aurelia, and felt the sudden lightness, as if unclenched long coiled spring, as if now she had a meaning, purpose, mission… She and small skulls which were reflexive verbs, and returned by her actions two important lives for her. After waking Borg and Veres they turned into plates and crumbled into dust. She saw a man with unblinking eyes in her dream, and he said to her, «Thank you.»

      – Ok! – Aurelia answered and hid the pleased smile and a sigh of relief behind a glass of sweet young wine …

Chapter 2

      Travel arrangements took the whole day. Servants silently moved around the house. Brothers were also silently sitting at a fireplace; cold white flame seemed to become silent too.

      Aurelia was dressing for a dinner in the room, glancing at traveling bags and thinking of, whether she had taken everything. In addition there was a set of different thoughts in her mind as though they urgently needed to be collected and laid in the correct order, but they ran up, leaving the hostess to stand in confusion. Many questions of Aurelia remained without answer, and it was unclear, whether the younger brother would be more talkative than the elder. She still knew a little about the place where she had got, even less she knew about where she was going to. It awakened curiosity and some anticipation. She didn’t really know whether she said goodbye to Borg forever? That thought was hiding all day on a background of her consciousness and then came out, demanding the answer, but nobody hurried to give it.

      Aurelia titivated and went down for a dinner. She was wearing light blue floor-length dress, it was low-cut and cool for that season, shoulders were hardly covered by almost transparent shawl from the thinnest wool. With the hair up she felt herself very womanish. The next day she had to put on a men's suit for rather long time therefore today she decided to