What 'Isa ibn Hisham Told Us. Muhammad al-Muwaylihi

heading for Fashōda to choose some lands which can be used for cultivation and settlement.¹²

       0.2.6

      REPORTER (tearing at his clothes and losing all patience) My dear Minister, Marchand and Bonchamps are proper names belonging to famous people; they’re not being used as nouns with semantic connotations. When people are called Mazlūm, Ghālī, and ʿAbbāʾī, it doesn’t mean there’s any reference to tyranny, overcharging, or heavy loads.¹³

      Here we are with a Minister of War who knows nothing about fighting and is not even supervising the campaign. What bad luck! I’m wasting my time. I came to get information and I end up giving it instead! The nightmare of this confrontation makes me envy my colleagues who are facing death on the Sudan battlefront. At least they will have got what they want after some hardships, whereas all I’ve got are still more problems after thinking I had found what I was seeking! That’s what happens when you stay aloof without getting involved in the task at hand.

      THREE IN ONE AND ONE IN THREE

      Miṣbāḥ al-sharq 24, September 29, 1898

       0.3.1

      ʿIsā ibn Hishām told us: I heard that the deputy qāʾim maqām had a visit from one of his coterie. When the latter came in to ask for the latest news, he found his friend with his head lowered, deep in thought. He was frowning and scowling and looked disheartened. Sweat was glistening on his forehead, and he was wiping it off with his left and right hand in turn. He began to mutter and grumble to himself. His visitor asked him what was the matter:

       0.3.2

      VISITOR How is it I see you looking so pensive and worried? Surely nothing’s happened to make you so anxious?

      (The deputy pays no attention but remains deep in his own thoughts.)

      VISITOR Maybe you’re racking your brains to work out what will be the result of the negotiation between the two powers on the Fashōda question?

      DEPUTY (scornfully) The papers are fussing about that.

      VISITOR Then perhaps you’re thinking about what will happen over the question of the raising of the British flag?

      DEPUTY That’s for people in Istanbul and London.

      VISITOR Then you must be busy contacting the Khedive over the arrangements for the Emperor’s arrival?

      DEPUTY That’s a job for one of his aides.

      VISITOR Could it be then that, along with the Minister of Works, you’re involved in organizing the precautionary measures to be taken against the Nile flood this year?

      DEPUTY That’s for local authorities to worry about.

      VISITOR Then maybe you’re trying to come up with an excuse for selling off the Sudanese Railway.

      DEPUTY Suarez is working on that. I’m not concerned with any of those public interest items you’ve just mentioned. It’s a purely private matter.

      VISITOR Could it be that Mr. Rollo has authorized the sale of his house in Bāb al-Lūq to you for the three thousand pounds that you’ve offered, when he’d been asking for twelve thousand?

      DEPUTY It’s not that either. Two things are bothering me: the term of tripartite rule has come to an end; and secondly my own term as deputy qāʾim maqām is over. All I can do is to try to find some way of keeping alive the memory of my period in government, something that’ll give me pleasure in retirement, something my children can wear as a badge of pride. Then after my death, my descendants can assume the Fakhrī mantle.¹⁴

      VISITOR What a marvelous idea.

       0.3.3

      (The deputy continues to rack his brains. After a while, he leaps to his feet in joy. “I’ve found it,” he yells, just like Archimedes before him.)

      VISITOR What secret treasure have you uncovered? What cherished dream have you now realized? Why such a radiant smile on your face?!

      DEPUTY Three in one and one in three.

      VISITOR Why didn’t you tell me at the start that it was an engineering or algebra problem you were trying to solve?

      DEPUTY That’s it: three in one and one in three.

      VISITOR I understand. But tell me, what is this problem which has been bothering you—one that manages to combine arithmetic with keeping memories alive?

      DEPUTY Now you’ll understand the import of the decree that you see in front of me.

      VISITOR You’re just making me even more confused and baffled.

      DEPUTY This will solve the riddle.

      (The deputy takes out a pen, writes something on a piece of paper, then hands it to his visitor. It concerns the important matter involving the appointment of the chairman of the Railways Commission. Here’s how he has written it out:)

      By order of His Excellency the Khedive from the Prime Minister:

      FAKHRĪ FAKHRĪ

      Minister of Public Works

      FAKHRĪ.¹⁵

       0.3.4

      VISITOR Hasn’t it occurred to you that in future people may think there were three people with the same name in the Egyptian government at the same time?

      DEPUTY Do you imagine that the fates would allow there to be three people like me at any one time? Haven’t you heard the words of the poet:

      Small chance that time will ever produce his peer;

      with people of his ilk it is miserly indeed!¹⁶

      VISITOR Thank God you have been able to devise this plan. It’s like a three-way mirror in which the Minister can see himself three times at once!

      MINISTERS AND EQUALITY

      Miṣbāḥ al-sharq 30, November 10, 1898

       0.4.1

      ʿIsā ibn Hishām told us: I was keen to hear from people about various aspects of the current situation: the mixture of organization and chaos, of war and peace, and agreement and discord. So I made for a market. It was so crowded there that you could barely put your foot on the ground. What I found in fact was a showroom of oaths rather than of faith; everyone was breaking their word and infringing regulations so that they could get rid of their merchandise and sell their wares. When I failed to get what I wanted, I changed my plans and retraced my steps.

      On the way I came across a tram moving along like fate itself descending from heaven. I got on and found myself among a whole variety of people. Some were standing, others sitting, and people kept getting on and off. There were women and babies, wives with their husbands, good-looking men and women and ugly ones too, and some drunken fools as well. They were all yelling and screaming, arguing, or whispering to each other, bickering with the conductor over the fare and then agreeing when the ticket was handed to them. Others were reading newspapers or else making eyes at pretty girls.

       0.4.2

      Next to me sat an imposing man who was so bulky that he filled up the entire space. He seemed to value the simple life and was keeping himself amused by listening to people talking about themselves and then covering his face with his handkerchief every time such talk made him laugh. He was particularly happy when two passengers who were squeezed together started arguing. Eventually one of them swore and cursed at