Leg over Leg. Ahmad Faris al-Shidyaq

the ones who wrote those books men?’ she countered. ‘They’re the ones who made up those stories.’ ‘But only after investigation and experience,’ I answered. ‘If you go to the arbitrator alone, you win,’ she said. ‘Quite the reverse,’ I said. ‘They have provided testimonies. The words of Our Master Sulaymān, who said, “I have found one righteous man among a thousand but I have not found a single righteous woman” may serve as sufficient proof and evidence.’ ‘Even if Our Master Sulaymān was granted wisdom given to none other,’ she said, ‘his excessive indulgence in women rendered him incapable of distinguishing the righteous among them from the unrighteous. Have you not observed how the musk-seller’s sense of smell weakens from length of exposure to its strong odor until he can no longer distinguish any more delicate scent? As far as providing the testimony of men against women without providing that of women against men is concerned, it is patent injustice and high-handedness.’

      4.2.6

      قلت نعم كان الاَوْلَى مناصفة هذا الايراد ولكن سبحان الله انتن تتهمن الرجال فى كل شى ثم تتهافتن عليهم * قالت لولا اضطرار الاحوال * لما شغلن بذلك الابوال * قال فضحكت وقلت اىّ جمع هذا * قالت قسته على غيره * قلت وهل استوى المقيس بالمقيس عليه * قالت لا فرق * قلت بل كله فرق فان اللغة لا توخذ بالقياس * ولو صح ذلك لم تكن مناسبة بين الذكر والانثى ولا بين الاثنى والذكر * ولا بين تذكير حقيقة التانيث وتانيث ما هو غير مقابل بمثله * قالت وهذا ايضا من بطر الرجال وتشويشهم فلا يكادون ياتون امرا مستقيما * قلت قد رجعت الى لومهم *

      “‘Indeed,’ I said, ‘evenhandedness in such citations would be preferable but, glory be, you women level every possible charge against men and then fall over one another to make a fuss over them!’ She responded, ‘Were it not that society works to make them martyrs, women wouldn’t allow such ideas anywhere near their medulla oblongarters.’”²⁵ “I laughed,” continued the Fāriyāq, “and said, ‘What kind of a plural is that?’ to which she replied, ‘I made it by analogy.’ ‘Are the original word and that formed by analogy to it equal?’ I asked. ‘There’s no difference,’ she replied. ‘On the contrary,’ I said, ‘they’re entirely different, because lexicon cannot be derived by analogy. If it could, there’d be no conformity between male and female or between female and male,²⁶ or between the masculinization of the true feminine²⁷ and the feminization of words that have no equivalent.’²⁸ ‘Another example of men’s high-handedness and confusion of the issue!’ she said. ‘They are virtually incapable of dealing with anything straightforwardly.’ ‘And there you go again!’ I retorted.

      4.2.7

      قالت والله لقد حرت فى الرجال * قلت والله لقد حرتُ فى النسآ * ولكن فلنعد الى الوداع انى اعاهدك على ان لا اخونك * قالت بل تخونني على عهد * قلت ما يحملك على سوء الظن بى * قالت انى ارى الرجال اذا كانوا فى بلاد لم يُعرفوا بها افحشوا غاية الافحاش * اَلَا ترى الى هولآ الغربآ الذين ياتون الى هذه الجزيرة كيف يتهتكون فى العهر والفجور * فاول ما يضع احدهم قدمه على الارض يسال عن الماخور * ولا سيما هولآ الشاميين ولا سيما النصارى منهم ولا سيما الذين المّوا بعلم شى من احوال الافرنج ولغاتهم فانهم يخرجون من المراكب كالزنابير اللاسعة من هنا وهناك * قلت لعلهم كانوا فى بلادهم كذلك * قالت ليس عندهم اسباب الفحش هناك * قلت او كانوا فاسدين بالطبع * قالت نعم هو عرق فساد كامن فيهم فاول ما يستنشقون رائحة بلاد الافرنج ينبض فيهم * ولذلك تراهم ابدا يتلمظون بذكر بلاد الافرنج وعاداتهم واحوالهم * مع انك اذا سالت احدا منهم عن طعامهم قال لا يستطيبه * او عن الحانهم قال لا تطربه * او عن كرمائهم قال لم تادبه * او عن حمّاماتهم قال لم تعجبه * او عن هوائهم قال لم يلائمه * او عن مائهم قال لم يسغ له * فيكون لهجهم بذكر بلادهم وتنويههم بمحاسنها انما سببه الفحش *

      “She said, ‘I swear I don’t know what to do about men’ and I said, ‘And I swear I don’t know what to do about women, but let’s get back to saying farewell. I give you my word that I will never be unfaithful to you.’ ‘On the contrary, you will ever be unfaithful to me,’ she said. I said, ‘What reason do you have to be suspicious of me?’ She replied, ‘I observe that men who are in a country where they’re unknown perform the worst abominations. Just look at how the foreigners who come to this island give themselves over to whoring and depravity. The moment one of them sets foot on land, he asks where the brothel is, especially the Syrians,²⁹ and amongst them especially the Christians, and amongst those especially the ones who have acquired a little knowledge of the ways of the Franks and their languages; they come off the ships like hornets, plunging their stingers here, there, and everywhere.’ ‘Perhaps they were like that in their home countries,’ I said. ‘They don’t have the means to behave abominably there,’ she returned. ‘Or perhaps they’re corrupt by nature,’ I said. ‘You’re right,’ she said. ‘They have a latent disposition to corruption and the moment they smell the Frankish air, it comes to life, which is why you will find that they always drool as they talk of the lands of the Franks and their customs and conditions. If you were to ask one of them about their food, though, he’d say he didn’t like it, or about their music, that it didn’t move him, or about their nobility, that they didn’t invite him to their banquets, or about their bathhouses, that they didn’t appeal to him, or about their weather, that it hadn’t suited him, or about their water, that he’d found it hard to swallow. The sole reason for their constant praise of those lands and for their lauding of the good things in them is abomination.

      4.2.8

      وانت من يضمن لى طبعك عن الفساد وقد اسمعك كل يوم تُهَيْنم بذكر الرجارجة والرضراضة والبضباضة والفضفاضة والرِبَحلة والرعبوب والعطبول * وهى لعمرى الفاظ تسيل لعاب الحصور وتشهّى الناسك * قلت ان هو الا كلام * قالت اول الحرب كلام * قلت اترين اعدّى عن هذه الصنعة الشائقة * والحرفة العائقة * قالت ان