King’s Wrath. Fiona McIntosh

‘Janus has an affliction that compels him to say outrageous remarks. It doesn’t prevent him from being a good physic.’

      ‘And you know this how?’ Janus asked, smiling softly at her.

      ‘I know,’ she replied, turning to the physic. ‘I trust you with our emperor.’

      ‘Emp—?’ Janus’s head swung back, his expression shocked, as he looked at Loethar. ‘No, it can’t be.’

      ‘I’m embarrassed and disappointed to say it is,’ Loethar replied. ‘I am Elka’s prisoner.’

      ‘She has wonderful breasts,’ Janus said. ‘Forgive me,’ he added, looking instantly contrite.

      ‘She does. You’re forgiven,’ Loethar said.

      ‘Right, gentlemen,’ Elka said, her tone chilly. ‘Shall we focus on the task at hand?’

      ‘I’d like to focus on your arse,’ Janus remarked, looking at her with an expression of fresh mortification.

      Loethar laughed openly. ‘Marvellous!’

      ‘Janus, I’ll find a way to close your mouth even if I have to stitch your lips together,’ Elka said sweetly.

      Janus pointed at her, his expression a mixture of remorse and defiance. ‘It comes on especially strong when I’m nervous and sober. You were warned.’

      She nodded. ‘That’s true, and I will bear the repercussions of my own decision. Can’t you try and concentrate on something else? Like your patient?’

      ‘This is not a good place to be doing an examination,’ Janus remarked, looking around. ‘My hut —’

      ‘Is too dangerous,’ Elka finished. ‘I’ll carry Loethar slightly higher up into those trees for coverage. We can’t go any higher, though. He has been suffering from the sickness of height and is barely recovered from one bout.’

      The doctor nodded. ‘I suffer the same myself.’

      ‘All right then. Let’s get to those trees.’

      Later, with the doctor finally sitting back on the ground and after much peering and prodding by him and cursing by Loethar, Janus took a deep breath. ‘All right. We have bones to set, cuts to stitch and bruises that can use some unguent.’

      ‘Do you need my help?’

      ‘Not really. You’re a distraction for my foul mouth.’ She couldn’t help but smile. ‘And it’s hard enough concentrating when I know who I’m working on. How has it come about that I am repairing our emperor?’

      Elka smiled. ‘It’s a long story,’ she said, just as Loethar said the same thing. She threw an amused glance at him, which he returned.

      ‘Well, you can tell me all about it in between more curses because what I’m about to do is not going to be without discomfort,’ Janus said to Loethar.

      ‘I understand.’

      Janus glanced at Elka. ‘Just light me a fire and get some water on to boil. I shall take it from there. I want to feel your tits on my —’

      And to the roar of Loethar’s amusement, Elka stomped away to find kindling.