Am I Safe?. Tim Huff

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      AM I SAFE? Exploring Fear and Anxiety with Children

      Copyright ©2018 Tim Huff and Iona Snair

      Background photography by Jeff Lukin

      (with the exception of pages 5, 7, 11 and 14)

      All rights reserved

      Printed in Canada

      ISBN 978-1-988928-07-4 Soft Cover

      ISBN 978-1-988928-08-1 E-book

      Published by:

      Castle Quay Books

      Burlington, Ontario

      Tel: [phone]

      E-mail: [email protected] | www.castlequaybooks.com

      Edited by Marina Hofman Willard

      Cover design and inside layout by Burst Impressions

      Printed at Essence Printing, Belleville, Ontario

      All rights reserved. This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form without prior written permission of the publishers.

      Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

      Huff, Tim, 1964-, author

       Am I safe? : exploring fear and anxiety with children / Tim Huff,

      Iona Snair.

      (Compassion series)

      ISBN 978-1-988928-08-1 (EPUB)

       1. Anxiety--Juvenile literature. 2. Anxiety in children--Juvenile

      literature. 3. Fear--Juvenile literature. 4. Fear in children--Juvenile

      literature. 5. Courage--Juvenile literature. I. Snair, Iona, author

      II. Title. III. Series: Compassion series

      BF723.A5H84 2018 j155.4’1246 C2018-905114-0

      Dear Grownups

      A message from Iona and Tim

      As you enter into this book, we want to both warmly welcome your good heart and share a bit about our hearts in creating it.

      Together, we stepped into this project acutely aware of the complexities in tackling a subject with variables and nuances as unique as each precious child. The two of us have spent our entire adult lives immersed in career service among children and youth facing difficult realities. Perhaps even more significantly, we have also carried the fears and hurts of our own children within the contexts of our families. In both places we have experienced the uncertainty of not knowing what to do or say while longing desperately to make things better.

      For parents, grandparents and teachers, we suspect that this feeling of uncertainty may be a familiar one. Our hope is that in this small book you may find one more piece of the many pieces that come together to help us walk well with the young ones who are dear to us. That journey requires that we acknowledge each child’s unique experiences of the world and accept that what a child feels is real and sometimes horrible for them. Yet we must never forget that children have the capacity to learn to be in charge of difficult feelings rather than be controlled by them. We can guide our children to develop skills and tools for thriving and can cheer them on as they take steps small and large to flourish despite their difficulties. But all this takes an investment of time—time to model courage, choose compassion and bring hope. These things we can do.

      We know only too well that the book title alone, Am I Safe?, may be a jarring question for anyone at any age or stage of life. This project is not meant to introduce a child to things worthy of their fear but rather to gently open the door for sharing about the named and unnamed concerns that lurk inside every child. Some of these are simply a part of childhood; others are a product of cultural realities; both need to be bravely acknowledged and expressed before children can find their way through them. In opening up this discussion, our desire is to bring a sense of courage in the middle of the uncertainties, rather than an empty promise of perfect safety. This is the honesty our children deserve.

      Although written with the anxious or fearful child in mind, it is our hope that the book will provide all readers—children and grownups—with a window into the minds and hearts of the many in our world who are struggling with anxious feelings, opening the door for compassionate understanding as our response. The book has been uniquely designed with three distinct parts: an illustrated storybook for the children, a guide for the children and grownups to share, and finally a story just for the grownups. We suggest that the children’s story is best initially read with adult and child together, offering time for the children to respond to the pictures and stanzas and discovering the places where the story intersects with their lives. Our hope is that children and grownups both will begin to believe that the journey from fear to courage is possible—in the book and for themselves.

      From start to finish, we have purposed to write this book with great sensitivity toward our many differences, desiring to find a place where we can stand together—all faiths, cultures, family structures and educational paradigms. Our hope is that you will feel encouraged and equipped by our best efforts toward an end result that is equal parts truth, tenderness, insight, comfort and hope. But we would be remiss if we did not acknowledge that our shared heart in all of this comes predominantly from our faith in a loving God who cherishes the children in your care, just as he cherishes you. Our humble prayer is that the nearness and tenderness of ongoing discussions begun here result in immeasurable blessing for all of you.

      Peace and joy to you and all those you cherish,

      Iona and Tim

      Am I safe? Am I okay?

      Something’s very wrong today!

      Sometimes it feels like my “fear list” is long

      With so many things in the world going wrong.

      But fears are something everyone has—

      Our teachers, our friends, our moms, and our dads.

      For some people fears will pop up, then go;

      For some, fears get stuck, and then start to grow.

      For Katie, the fears come from uncertain thoughts—like wondering if she will be laughed at or not.

      For Ella, the fears come from what she has seen—

      like when kids or adults are angry or mean.

      For Jas, the fears come from what is NOT seen—like “what ifs” or “oh nos” that stick like bad dreams.

      For Lucas, the fears keep wrapped up inside,

      then burst out as anger with nowhere to hide.

      When