Postal history. Николай Владимирович Лакутин

автором в дизайнерской программе и является интеллектуальной собственностью Николая Лакутина.

      Attention! All copyrights to the play are protected by the laws of Russia, international legislation, and belong to the author. Its publication and reissue, reproduction, public performance, translation into foreign languages, changes in the text of the play when staged without the written permission of the author are prohibited. Staging of the play is possible only after the conclusion of a direct contract between the author and the theater.

      Comedy. Duration 1 hour 30 minutes

      ACTOR

      DARIA is Benjamin's girlfriend, or so he thinks. About 30 years;

      BENJAMIN is a guy about 30 years old. Squishy, but romantic, courting the object of their desires for years;

      The POST OFFICE worker (RPO) is a portly woman about 50 years old. Rude, boorish person, offended by life, but with a sense of humor.

      ACT ONE

      1 THE HOUSE OF BENJAMIN

      Sounds of lyrical music.

      Benjamin carefully and lovingly wraps the parcel. Inside are two exclusive crystal glasses engraved with the names "Benjamin", "Daria". He reads aloud the inscriptions, very anxiously anticipating the moment of receipt of this gift by his girlfriend. Wraps crystal first in a bubble substrate, then in a beautiful bright gift wrap and only then in a rough postage cardboard box. Glues the appropriate labels, information plate with the recipient, sender, etc. He presses the parcel to his heart, dreamily closes his eyelids, goes with the parcel to the post office.

      2 POST OFFICE

      RPO sits in front of the computer, playing solitaire. Benjamin comes to the bar.

      BENJAMIN: Hello, I would like to send this parcel.

      RPO not reacts, if no one there is no.

      The guy waits for a while, then repeats his appeal.

      BENJAMIN: Hello, I would like to send a parcel, can I?

      The same reaction, RPO hard sighs, and starts to hard click with the mouse, staring at the computer monitor.

      Benjamin clears his throat, trying to attract attention.

      RPO (shouts): Why cough here? If you're sick, stay at home, there's no need to go to public places. He's here, you know, coughing. Infect us all here decided to that whether? No respect for people.

      BENJAMIN (stammering with excitement): all of Them?

      The guy looks around, not knowing who is meant postal worker but yourself.

      RPO: People walk, what is unclear? Someone with snot, someone with a cough. There are many of you – I am alone. Every so on never coughs, and there is no me! Who will be sending your message?

      BENJAMIN: no, I'm not sick.

      RPO: Not sick? What are you coughing then? Choking on something? Turn around, I'll slap you on the back.

      Benjamin tries to explain, refuses, agitated and stammering.

      RPO (shouting, commanding tone): Turned around, said! Bend over! A little lower! That's it!

      The young man does not dare to contradict, obediently fulfilling the requirements of a woman who is in a completely different weight category.

      RPO hits the guy in the back with his palm twice, so that he loses consciousness and falls face down on the tabletop. He doesn't move. The package flies out of his hands, falls to the floor.

      RPO (tugging guy): e-E… A fighter? How are you? Is he dead? It's a little early, usually in our Department they die closer to four or five o'clock. Yes and the, old ladies mostly. UH… warrior?

      He listens to the breath, makes a face expressing inevitability.

      PRO: Looks like the kid leaned back. He came here, coughed up all sorts of infection, and even died. No respect for people.

      The lady takes a landline phone, dials a number, calmly asks.

      RPO: Ale? Semyonych…? I.

      Laughs-true, true laughter.

      RPO: Well, start your hearse, I have a blind man. Already. Aha.

      Guy is beginning to move, on the sly still rise.

      RPO: Semenych? Wait to start. The blind man stirred. (Shouts into the phone) Huh? Yes, all right, I say! False alarm.

      Hangs up, helps to stand up guy.

      RPO: Ltd… generation something the disobedient. You blow, it falls.

      BENJAMIN: So you blew like that? Wow, I felt like I'd been run over by a tram.

      RPO: I haven't blown it yet, I just inhaled. But I will blow! If you're going to talk around here. Che wanted?

      BENJAMIN (bewildered, already forgetting why he had come): I?

      RPO: Well, who's pinned, preventing me solitaire the solitaire to collect? And so the card nifiga is not, so also the rod with their parcels. You had a package in there. Give it here.

      BENJAMIN: the Package? But…

      RPO (Mimicking): Two!

      BENJAMIN: Yes, Yes, the package. Here I am… in general. Send.

      Picks up the parcel from the floor and passes it to the post office worker.

      RPO takes the parcel, looks, shakes, listens, weighs, reads the information on the parcel. He looks at the guy with astonished eyes like a fool.

      BENJAMIN: is something wrong?