The Secret Life of Sally Tomato. Jean Ure

Copyright

      HarperCollins Children’s Books An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd. 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF

       www.harpercollins.co.uk

      First published in Great Britain by HarperCollins Children’s Books 2000

      Text copyright © Jean Ure 2000

      Illustrations copyright © Karen Donnelly 2000

      The author and illustrators assert the moral right to be identified as the author and illustrators of this work

      A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

      All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this ebook on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins ebooks

      HarperCollinsPublishers has made every reasonable effort to ensure that any picture content and written content in this ebook has been included or removed in accordance with the contractual and technological constraints in operation at the time of publication

      Source ISBN: 9780006751502

      Ebook Edition © NOVEMBER 2012 ISBN: 9780007439690 Version: 2016-12-02

       For Henrietta (We made each other laugh) and for my friend Mark Alexander (also known as Ranny Arbuckle …)

      Contents

       Cover

       Title Page

Copyright

Prologue

A is for armpit

B stands for boob and also for breast

C is for chuck

D is for diarrhoea

E is for eyeful

       F is for flob

       G is for grolly

       H is for halitosis

       I is for impure

       J is for Jimmy

       K is for knockers and Knickers

       L is for lips

       M is for match

       N is for nuddy

       O is for off

       P is for pimples, in other words, spots

       Q is a letter that’s followed by U

       R is for rear

       S is for sex

       T is for tit

       U is for ugh!

       V is for vulgar

       W stands for willy

       X marks the spot

       Keep Reading

       About the Author

       Also by Jean Ure

      About the Publisher

      Some people keep diaries: I am going to keep an alphabet! I am going to do two letters a week, starting from Monday. (The beginning of the spring term.) For every letter, I am going to write a poem. Some of them may be quite rude; it depends how I’m feeling. In between the poems I shall write down chunks of everyday life. My life! All the things that are happening to me, and especially with girls. If by the time I reach Z I still have not done it, I shall most probably go out and shoot myself.

      Or drown myself, as I don’t have a gun.

      Or swallow fifty-eight bottles of aspirin, or hurl myself madly in front of a train, or tell Kelvin Clegg he’s a dork and get myself totalled.

      I have got to have done it before then!

      When I say done it, I mean kissed someone.

      When I say someone, I mean – a girl!

      When I say kiss, I mean – KISS! Not just a peck on the cheek. Though as a matter of fact, I haven’t even done that. I am twelve years old and I haven’t even pecked a girl on the cheek!

      I am seriously worried that there may be something wrong with me. It surely can’t be normal to have reached the age of twelve and never kissed a girl? Even Bones has done it!