The Royal Pain. MaryJanice Davidson

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The Royal Pain

      The Royal Pain

      MARYJANICE DAVIDSON

      

KENSINGTON PUBLISHING CORP. http://www.kensingtonbooks.com

      For Julie Kathryn Gottlieb, who whines when

       I don’t dedicate a book to her.

       Off my case, hose-face.

      We are born with luck

      Which is to say with gold in our mouth.

      As new and smooth as a grape,

      As pure as a pond in Alaska,

      As good as the stem of a green bean

      We are born and that ought to be enough.

      —Anne Sexton, The Evil Seekers

      Treason and murder ever kept together.

      —William Shakespeare, Henry V

      A Sheldon can do your income taxes. If you need a root canal, Sheldon’s your man. But humpin’ and pumpin’ is not Sheldon’s strong suit. It’s the name. “Do it to me, Sheldon. You’re an animal, Sheldon. Ride me, big…SHELdon.” Doesn’t work.

      —Harry, When Harry Met Sally

      Acknowledgments

      Thanks again to my wonderful family, who may well recognize parts of themselves in some of these pages but too bad, I’ve already spent the advance.

      Extra thanks to my dad, the inspiration for King Al, who once explained to me that he could never run for president because the newspapers wouldn’t print “fuck” and thus he would never be properly quoted. When I got over my startlement, I realized he was right. And once again, America was cheated of a great leader, all because the papers won’t print the word “fuck.”

      Also, thanks to Giselle, Stacy, and Jessica, who listen to my endless complaints and give excellent advice (chief of which: “Stop yer bitching”).

      Thanks also to my sister, Yvonne, who reminded me what a bail is for and was kind enough not to give me shit about blanking on the word.

      Thanks are also due to the exalted Kate Duffy, who edits her authors as gently as a sighing kitten and promotes them as savagely as a ravenous white shark. She works too hard and her bosses should give her a raise at once.

      Finally, thanks to the readers who have been asking me whatever happened to those pesky Baranovs. You got me wondering, so here we all are.

      Author’s Note

      As with The Royal Treatment, I’ve taken liberties and, as of this writing, Alaska still is not a country. However, it is possible to kill someone with a chair and nightmares do inevitably result.

      The events of this book take place twenty-two months after the wedding of His Royal Highness Prince David to Lady Christina.

      Contents

      Prologue

      Chapter 1

      Chapter 2

      Chapter 3

      Chapter 4

      Chapter 5

      Chapter 6

      Chapter 7

      Chapter 8

      Chapter 9

      Chapter 10

      Chapter 11

      Chapter 12

      Chapter 13

      Chapter 14

      Chapter 15

      Chapter 16

      Chapter 17

      Chapter 18

      Chapter 19

      Chapter 20

      Chapter 21

      Chapter 22

      Chapter 23

      Chapter 24

      Chapter 25

      Chapter 26

      Chapter 27

      Chapter 28

      Chapter 29

      Chapter 30

      Chapter 31

      Chapter 32

      Chapter 33

      Chapter 34

      Chapter 35

      Chapter 36

      Chapter 37

      Chapter 38

      Chapter 39

      Chapter 40

      Chapter 41

      Chapter 42

      Chapter 43

      Chapter 44

      Chapter 45

      Chapter 46

      Chapter 47

      Chapter 48

      Chapter 49

      Chapter 50

      Chapter 51

      Chapter 52

      Prologue

      The Sitka Palace

       2:32 A.M.

      “Nicky, get down!” Alexandria’s father roared, and her little brother dropped like a rock and rolled away. There was no mistaking the command in that yell; she nearly fell to the carpet herself.

      There was a sound, some odd sound she should have recognized but did not, and suddenly her father was staring at the two small, feathered darts sticking out of his chest. He stared…

      (What story tonight, Alex?)

      …they all stared…

      (No, hon, that one gives you nightmares.)

      …it was all happening so fast…

      (There’s nothing to be afraid of.)

      …and then her father…

      (We’re going to be all right now.)

      …her father…

      (There’s no such thing as monsters.)

      …slowly folded to the floor.

      She heard another sound—the flat, smacking sound of metal hitting flesh—but she was too busy looking around, looking around for…

      There.

      “Not s’ fast without y’r pea shooter, eh?” she heard someone, Kurt? David? slur.

      “Y—you have to come with me, Prince Nicholas,” the monster said. He was reaching for her little brother, actually daring to reach for her brother after the gross assault upon her father. “Your place is with us.”

      “Get the hell out of here, you traitorous piece of shit,” her older brother David ordered. Alexandria agreed wholeheartedly…to a point. “If you leave now, our security team might not blow your head off.”

      Stay a while. Just a minute longer. I’ll give you something to remember the Baranovs by, you prick.

      “Us, sir?” her little brother, Nicholas, asked. As always in response to stress, he was overly polite.

      She slipped out of one of her shoes. There was more talking, but it was background noise, it was how the ocean sounded