.

      This Isn’t the

      Sort of Thing

      That Happens

      to Someone

      Like You

      

      Jon McGregor

      

       Copyright

      4th Estate

      An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers

      1 London Bridge Street

      London SE1 9GF

       www.4thEstate.co.uk

      First published by Bloomsbury in 2012

      This eBook published by 4th Estate in 2017

      Copyright © 2012 by Jon McGregor

      Linocuts © 2012 by Paul Greeno

      Cover image © Shutterstock

      Jon McGregor asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

      A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

      All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins

      Source ISBN: 9780008218652

      Ebook Edition © January 2017 ISBN: 9780008218669

      Version: 2016-12-07

       Praise for This Isn't The Sort Of Thing That Happens To Someone Like You

      ‘Jon McGregor is one of the UK’s most fascinating and versatile writers’ Gary Shteyngart, author of Super Sad True Love Story

      

      ‘Jon McGregor’s writing combines dreamy, ethereal poetry with a northern sensibility unafraid to confront devastating truths … McGregor is adept at depicting emotions with unassuming language’ Independent

      

      ‘These unnerving splinters depicting ordinary people in crisis, often against the fathomless landscape of the Fens, make for an outstanding collection from a great writer’ Metro

      

      ‘This is a book of ominous preludes and chilling aftermaths: the incantatory account of a vacationer at a war-ravaged resort in the minutes before he drowns; the Pinter-esque power play of a vicar’s wife whose husband offers shelter to a gallingly manipulative stranger. McGregor stealthily commands our active engagement, scattering crumbs of data for us to pick through, gum-shoe style’ New York Times

      

      ‘Electrifyingly original and skilful … McGregor also has a gift for lyricism and shows great skill and fearlessness in his experiments with form. I can’t remember the last time I read a collection of stories this original, this strange, or this powerfully menacing’ Sydney Morning Herald

      

      ‘[E]ach tale in this slim, elegant book does something most of us wish would happen to us in real life: It stops us in a humdrum moment and reveals how that small, unnoticed sliver of time can illuminate an entire life’ Oprah.com Book of the Week

      

      ‘Jon McGregor’s stories are strange and lovely masterpieces: painfully authentic, inquisitive rather than confrontational, he has a tremendous ability to disturb the surface of everyday things ... Underneath that which is radically quotidian, he captures our unique and unusual selves’ Sarah Hall

      For Éireann Lorsung,

      & Matthew Welton

       Contents

      

       Cover

       Title Page

      Copyright

      Praise for This Isn’t the Sort of Thing That Happens to Someone Like You

       Dedication

       PART ONE

       That Colour

       In Winter The Sky

       She Was Looking For This Coat

       Looking Up Vagina

       Keeping Watch Over The Sheep

       Airshow

       We Were Just Driving Around

      

       PART TWO

       If It Keeps On Raining

       Fleeing Complexity

       Vessel

       Which Reminded Her, Later

       The Chicken And The Egg

       New York

      

       PART THREE

       French Tea

       Close

       We Wave And Call

      

       PART FOUR

       Supplementary