What Happens In Tuscany.... T A Williams

then ensued a conversation about underwear. In fact, it was more of a monologue by Katie, interspersed by disbelieving oohs and aahs from her employer. Several times Katie had to stop and swear on everything she held dear that she wasn’t making things up. Yes, panties really were that small. Yes, underwear came in other colours apart from white. Yes, that girl’s prominent bust was achieved by the type of bra she was wearing, rather than some freak of nature. Finally, a passing teenager reduced Victoria to incoherent stammering.

      ‘That boy’s trousers are positively falling down. Look, they’re almost down round his knees. You can see his underpants.’

      Katie did her best to explain and clarify where necessary. She found herself doing a lot of explaining.

      As the meal progressed, the conversation moved on from clothes to tattoos. The discovery that their waitress had a dolphin tattooed on her bare shoulder sparked off a series of sightings of other tattoos, many far less attractive than the dolphin. ‘That man’s arm is all the colours of the rainbow. It must have hurt awfully, having that done.’

      Katie now felt thankful that her mother had steadfastly refused her permission to get any of the tattoos or piercings she had so desired in her teens. And luckily by the time she had got to university she hadn’t been interested any more. As a Goth girl clumped past in black leather boots with a stud in her nose attached to a chain, Victoria was dumbfounded. ‘But, Katie, that must be so unhygienic. Imagine what happens when she gets a cold.’ There was a pause, during which Katie felt relieved to have finished her ice cream. ‘What if she sneezes?’

      As they relaxed over a cappuccino after lunch, Victoria remembered what Katie had said earlier. ‘Has this year really been awful for you?’

      Katie looked up and nodded. ‘To be honest, it’s been pretty crap the last couple of years, but it all came to a head this spring.’

      ‘You mean, with your husband…boyfriend?’

      ‘Him and work. With Dean it was a series of things, mainly drink-related, leading up to a full-blooded shoot-out when he missed his birthday dinner.’ She went on to give Victoria a somewhat sanitised version of the events in the pub with the stripper. Victoria was suitably shocked.

      ‘That’s awful. I don’t blame you for breaking it off.’

      ‘The technical term for what happened is that I dumped him, big time.’

      Victoria giggled. ‘I like that. You dumped him, just like the dustbin. And what was wrong at work?’

      ‘I’ve been trying to analyse it. I actually like teaching, but I think it was maybe the cyclical nature of it that got me down.’ In answer to Victoria’s expression she explained. ‘The kids come to you at the beginning of the year. You teach them and then they move on at the end of the year. But you stay there. I started feeling I was just marking time. And then there was all the bureaucracy and red tape. No, I knew I needed a change. Who knows? Maybe if I’d been in a settled relationship with a good man, I might have seen things differently.’

      ‘So is anybody courting you at the moment?’

      Katie laughed. ‘No, Victoria, people stopped courting about a hundred years ago. I think you want to ask if I’m seeing anybody at the moment. Or if there’s somebody after me.’

      Victoria acknowledged the correction with a nod of the head. ‘So, are you seeing somebody at the moment? Is anybody after you?’ Katie realised that the question was not as simple as it sounded. So far in her life, Victoria had neither been courted nor had anybody after her. This was all a whole new world waiting for her. Katie knew that she would have her work cut out helping her to navigate her way through these treacherous waters. She wasn’t looking forward to the challenge. She limited herself to short answers to the questions.

      ‘No to the first and maybe to the second.’ She saw Victoria’s expression. ‘There’s a man called Martin. I hardly know him, though. I’ll tell you about him some time.’

      Victoria thought it best to change the subject. ‘I’ve been thinking. You were talking about your car last night, weren’t you?’ Katie nodded. ‘So, you can drive?’

      ‘Ever since I was 17. What about you? I’ve seen you drive the tractor. I was very impressed at the way you backed that huge trailer into the yard.’

      Victoria snorted. ‘Tractors are easy. But, no, I can’t go out on the road. I haven’t got a licence.’ She gave Katie a wry smile. ‘By now, you can probably imagine why I never learnt.’

      ‘Your dad.’ She smiled back at her. ‘Well, that’s easy. We’ll get you an application for a provisional licence at the post office this afternoon and we’ll fix you up with a course of lessons. We’ll have you out on the open road by the end of the month.’

      ‘Oh, Katie, that’s amazing!’ Victoria was beaming, then a thought struck her. ‘We’d better get another car, then. Somehow I don’t think the Rolls is quite the vehicle to learn on. Or any of the cars from my father’s collection really. And, if we get a car now, you can drive it as much as you like. Didn’t you say you wanted to come down to Exeter to see somebody next weekend?’ She caught Katie’s eye. Katie had finally been able to speak to Jenny that morning from the toilet in John Lewis and they had provisionally arranged to meet up next Saturday. If Katie had the use of a car, that would make things much easier. ‘I’m sure it would be expedient if you had a car.’

      ‘That would be fantastic.’ Katie couldn’t believe her luck. ‘By the way, I would say that expedient is probably not really common parlance nowadays. You could maybe try suitable or handy. Anyway that would be really handy as I’m afraid my old car failed its MOT last month and I sold it to a scrap merchant for fifty pounds.’ It was now becoming automatic for her to explain acronyms and “modern” words. ‘That’s the test all cars need to have every year to prove they’re safe to drive. Anyway, that’s a great idea if you’re sure.’ At that moment they both spotted Mackintosh loitering on the pavement opposite the restaurant.

      ‘Finished? Anything else you want to eat?’ Katie shook her head and Victoria stood up. ‘I’ll just go to the lavato…the loo.’ This was another recent addition to Victoria’s vocabulary and she was still getting used to it. She gave Katie a proud smile. ‘You see, I’m learning! I won’t be a minute. Maybe you might like to ask Mackintosh to pay the bill for us.’

      Katie beckoned Mackintosh in and he paid the bill, adding a scrupulously calculated tip. Victoria reappeared and they went out into Cathedral Close. Katie looked across at Victoria.

      ‘What’s next on the agenda?’

      Victoria had no doubts. ‘Mackintosh, we need to buy a car.’

      He didn’t bat an eyelid. ‘Certainly, Miss Victoria. What sort of car did you have in mind?’

      ‘Well, Katie needs a car for getting about and I’m going to learn to drive, so maybe something a little smaller than the Rolls.’ She caught the Scotsman’s eye. ‘And something modern, I think.’

      Mackintosh allowed himself a smile. ‘A capital idea, Miss Victoria. A nice new car sounds very sensible. Did you have anything in mind?’ Seeing the blank look on Victoria’s face, he transferred his attention to Katie. ‘Any preference…Katie?’

      Katie gave him a broad smile. She had been working hard on all the staff at the great house to get them to call her just plain, Katie, rather than, Miss Katie. ‘No preference. To be honest, I don’t know the first thing about cars. As long as it starts, that’ll be fine.’

      Mackintosh nodded to himself and checked a few details. ‘Two seats or four?’

      The two girls looked at each other for a moment. After a pause for reflection, Victoria suggested, ‘Two? Oh, I don’t know, maybe four is more sensible.’

      ‘Either is fine by me.’ Katie had never been very interested in cars.

      ‘Something sporty? Maybe with an open top?’