A Daughter’s Choice. Cathy Sharp

and then shook her head. ‘And she went off and left yer as a baby – that’s reason enough fer me to dislike her. Some folks might think you will likely turn out the same way. They don’t know yer the way I do, love.’

      ‘Is that why …?’ My cheeks were bright with fire as I looked at her. ‘Does Billy Ryan think I’m that way, too? Is that why he wants to take me dancin’?’

      ‘No, I don’t think so,’ Gran replied. ‘Billy is a bit of a cheeky devil, and he doesn’t always know which is the right side of the law – but he is fond of you, Kathy. Even when you were fifteen he was always ’ere tryin’ ter get yer ter to go out with ’im. If I thought he wouldn’t treat yer right I wouldn’t let yer go.’

      ‘Do you mind if I go, Gran? Can you manage without me?’

      ‘Of course I can, Kathy. I’ll be fine tucked up in me bed. Leave yer da a cold supper on the table – though God knows what time ’e’ll get ’ome. Just be sure that Billy brings you ’ome by half past ten – and if he does try anythin’, give him a slap round his ear.’

      ‘He promised he wouldn’t,’ I said and bent to kiss her cheek, which felt papery soft and dry. The sheets were clean on that day and smelled of soap, as she did herself after I’d helped her to wash. ‘He says he respects me too much.’

      ‘Then I’m sure ‘e means it,’ Gran said and smiled lovingly as she reached up to touch my cheek. ‘You’re a good girl, Kathy, and bright. You did well at school and you speak better than most round ‘ere – better than yer da or me. I should like ter see yer make somethin’ of yerself. Don’t get into trouble and rush in ter marriage, love. Look at Bridget Robinson. Her mother was a drunken slut, but Bridget was smart – like you. They say she does all Joe’s bookwork fer ’im, and she’s got a couple of market stalls ’erself. Likes sellin’ flowers, Bridget does. I should like yer to settle with a good man like Joe Robinson – so you just be careful. Billy Ryan is all right, but make sure ’e’s what you really want afore yer settle on ’im.’

      ‘I’m not thinkin’ of marryin’ yet, Gran,’ I said and laughed as I flicked back my hair, which was a dark honey blonde and set off eyes Gran always said were green like a cat’s. ‘I’m too young to train as a nurse yet, but that’s what I’d like to do. I keep thinkin’ about all those young men getting hurt so bad over there …’ I sighed. ‘When is it all going to end, Gran? I think it’s terrible that all our boys end up gettin’ killed in the trenches.’

      ‘We all feel the same, Kathy,’ Gran said. ‘It’s a wicked shame that it happened at all, that’s what I think – decent folk shooting at each other. Bridget’s eldest son is out there fighting, and she told me that he wrote to her about the first Christmas of the war, when the German soldiers and the British played football together in no-man’s-land between the trenches. She said her Jonathan thought the Germans were just like us then; they didn’t want to fight and kill people. It’s all the fault of them what started it – the Kaiser and politicians.’

      ‘Well, I don’t suppose we shall solve anythin’ by talkin’,’ I said. ‘But if the war isn’t over when I’m eighteen I shall join the Voluntary Aid Detachment as a nurse.’

      ‘That’s what I like to hear,’ Gran said approvingly. ‘My girl has a bit of ambition – not like her father. You stick to your guns, my girl, and don’t you let anyone talk yer out of it.’

      We had been at the Pally for a couple of hours, and the dance floor was crowded with young men and women. Most of the men were in uniform, and the girls were all wearing pretty dresses. I knew some of them from school, and several of them were working in the munitions factory or voluntary organizations. We had been dancing most of the time and I was enjoying myself as Billy was fun to be with. However, I was very much aware of the war and that I had done nothing to help except knit a few socks and roll some bandages. So when Billy went off to fetch us another drink I spoke to a girl called Valerie Green about being a nurse.

      ‘It’s hard work, Kathy,’ she told me. ‘I’ve just come back from three months in France and the conditions were awful. The men are crawling with lice when they come in after weeks in the trenches, and there’s never enough of anything to go round. I asked to be transferred back home.’

      ‘But you like being a nurse, don’t you?’

      ‘It’s all right I suppose …’

      I would have asked her more questions about nursing but Billy came back with our drinks and she walked off.

      ‘Port and lemon you said, Kathy?’

      ‘Yes please.’ I took a sip. ‘Oh, that’s lovely. Not too strong.’

      Billy grinned. ‘I didn’t think you were a hardened drinker so I told them to put plenty of lemonade in.’ He took a swig of his beer. ‘Are yer enjoyin’ yerself then, Kathy?’

      ‘Yes, thanks.’ I finished my drink and put the glass down. ‘I’m goin’ to the cloakroom. It’s nearly ten o’clock, Billy. We’ll have time for one more dance before we go, won’t we?’

      ‘Just about. Mustn’t be late back though or your gran won’t trust me to take you out again.’

      I smiled as I moved away from him, knowing that the gift of chocolates he’d brought for Gran when he called to pick me up earlier had gone a long way to winning her over. He had also brought a little posy of flowers for me.

      ‘Now that’s a lad who knows how to come courtin’,’ Gran had whispered to me as I’d kissed her goodbye.

      I was beginning to think Billy was a decent lad and that I quite liked him. He’d given me a good night out and I was feeling relaxed and happy as I made my way back to him after visiting the cloakroom. It was then that someone grabbed my arm roughly, making me swing round to look at him in alarm.

      ‘What are you doing?’

      My heart had begun to thud wildly. I didn’t know this man to speak to, though I’d noticed him standing with the crowd of rowdies at the bar on a couple of occasions. He was one of the lads who seemed to come to the Pally just to drink and stare at the girls.

      ‘’Ave a drink wiv me, luv?’

      ‘No, thank you. I’m with someone.’

      ‘That bleedin’ Billy Ryan. He ain’t no good to yer, Kathy. You come outside wiv me and I’ll show yer wot’s wot.’

      His expression made me feel sick deep down inside, and I tried to pull away but his grip tightened on my arm, his fingers digging painfully into my flesh. People were looking at us, some of them frowning, others grinning as if it were amusing.

      ‘Let me go please. I don’t want to come with you – you are very rude.’

      ‘Rude, am I? Hoity-toighty bitch! Yer no better than yer ma was and she were anybody’s.’

      ‘You shut your dirty mouth!’

      I pulled sharply away from him and after a tussle he let go of my arm, but then as I tried to move away he caught me about the waist. His intentions were obvious but I was determined that this brute should not maul or kiss me. I gave him a kick on the shins and he swore, raising his right arm to hit me. A cry of alarm escaped me but before I could do anything I felt someone pull me roughly away from his hold and Billy was there.

      ‘You take your filthy paws off my girl!’ he said and the look on his face was so savage that I was startled. He looked capable of anything at that moment. ‘I’ll teach you some manners, Sam Cotton.’

      ‘You and whose bleedin’ army?’

      ‘I don’t need no ’elp,’ Billy said and launched himself at my assailant in a fury.

      In another moment they were at it full pelt, punching and jostling. Billy seemed as if he wanted to murder the other man, and I drew back in horror as girls started screaming and the men formed a sort of semicircle around them, yelling