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      Marriage & Relationships

      What you don’t know will hurt you!

      Mamdooh Al-Radadi

      Copyright © 2012 Mamdooh Al-Radadi

      No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior consent of the publisher.

      The Publisher makes no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. Neither the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any commercial damages.

      2012-06-22

      Dedication

      To all the love birds waiting to fly.

      Acknowledgments

      To my previous wives and mothers of my two beautiful children who took for me who I am, and left for who they became, and most importantly for what I became.

      To anyone I might have hurt in my ever ending search for peace of mind and loving arm to tuck me in at night.

      P.S. I love you, whoever you may be.

      Introduction

      Things have changed in the last seventy years in this thing they call marriage. If we go back seventy years it would be the 1940’s. Given the fact that it was a drastic and bloody time for our poor earth due to world war two taking place.

      Don’t worry this is not another war book stating facts and photos, this book is about marriage and relationships. I wanted to shed some light on the importance and characteristics of the sacred tie between woman and man.

      You don’t have to investigate and research much into history to find out that marriage was built to last, like a chevy ad ( when they actually did last! ). Couples would actually live by the words “Till death do us part”, they would sacrifice and they would fight for their marriage to stay afloat.

      Children witnessed real families, real mother and father scenarios and felt complete. They lived in one house, they ate on one table, at one time, they really knew one another.

      Marriage was a big thing, a major decision for both, one that would change their life forever to the better, one that would create a family. Speed up your calendars today and look at the fine mess we have within our hands.

      Marriage has become a game. One that you can press restart and have a new one in less than a month? Marriage has become an experiment, a shot! a trial and error kind of thing, a false requirement, a social status requirement, something like anything else we pursue in life.

      Today the choice is based on many factors, but in most cases the choices are built on wrong presumptions and wrong beliefs. Society has murdered the sacred shrine. Society has established silly and ridiculous benchmarks that not even it could handle. It has by far raped and stripped the beauty of such a fairytale ending to any bride or groom.

      Look west or south, east or middle east even, the rise in divorce rates is astronomical and real, if not dressed up like some year end balance sheet.

      

       Yes we screwed it up! Me, you, them, those, we did a good job for the ones that will follow.

      My personal experience is one that should open your eyes, one that was ahead of its time, as I jumped on the wagon at an early age of twenty or something back when the average age for men to get married was around twenty six or twenty seven. The average age for girls to get married in Saudi Arabia back then was seventeen! Imagine. If she hits twenty three, she had better worry about never getting married again?

      Ready or not, here I come with some personal wisdom that I have accumulated over the years, armed with two marriages, two divorces, two children( god bless them), and almost two of everything else, throw in love, pain, distortion, depression and eventually coming out of the tunnel to tell my story and show you what to avoid, and what to look out for.

      When I asked my father about his marriage and when he got married did he have any kind of idea what he was getting himself into? did he think of divorce? was going separate ways part of the equation? His answer was always I was in it for as long as I live.

      Looking back at the things that could have made them say enough is enough, lets just call it quits I get spooked at the silly mistakes and reasons that newly weds today divorce for.

      The idea of marriage & the perfect social idea

      I’m not going to quote some dictionary about something you already know.

      Marriage is two people, a man and a woman forging an alliance out of love, or (love in the pipeline kind) and becoming what we call a family. Then there’s the ultimate marriage example which I have yet to see:

       The perfect social idea of marriage:

      Boy is born, boy grows up and goes to school, college, enjoys life a bit, works, enjoys life a bit more, gets married, has children, maybe becomes a grandfather, dies. The end.

      That’s the rough sketch, in that vague set of events lies the essence of marriage, or not.

      The ideal marriage consists of a wealthy families boy, marrying into another wealthy or wealthier family, a family that has good genes, a family that can benefit, a family that is connected.

      Girl is born, grows up and goes to school, QUICKLY GET MARRIED!! you might miss your marriage train!? True story. Everyday in the Arab world. What about living? Understanding? Readiness? And all the other stuff we choose to close our eyes to.

       Of course there is the small female section of society that does go through life like a man, same sequence too.

      What makes a perfect husband?

      Society seems to know it all, or pretend as usual to know it all until it blows up in its face. Below is what I have heard or witnessed over the years in terms of the perfect combination to make a great husband. It is kind of silly, but sadly true!

      1 A Great guy.

      2 Honorable achievements.

      3 From a great family.

      4 Wealthy and has great income sources.

      5 Has a bright future.

      6 Young, but not to young (Young becomes questionable when it comes to money, you could find a fifty five year old teenager, you never know!)

      7 Is open minded, but not too open minded, just there!

      8 Will adapt to his wife’s family traditions in a week.

      9 Will sacrifice his life but not expect the same, until he proves he is worthy.

      10 Loves to travel, but only to show off places, and go to places where saudi’s don’t go?

      11 Has lots of friends, but not too many nights out.

      12 Has a nice car.

      13 Will supply a maid and driver.

      14 Will have a villa preferably, or a high rise apartment.

      15 Has a beach cabin.

      16 Is handsome and charming, a player, but not after marriage.

      17 A thinker.

      18 Is well mannered but also a bad boy.

      19 Has