The Ayurvedic Guide to Fertility. Heather Grzych

of other things. Or perhaps she just had more self-control than most people.

      A young woman is not in a rush to be a mother nowadays, because she believes she has many more years ahead of her to get pregnant and have a family, especially after seeing so many older women have children. The clock does not tick for her — except when it comes to her fears about the future. Young women still experience fear of missing out on having kids when they direct their energy elsewhere, and more of them are resorting to egg freezing. Given that the big companies that a lot of these women work for are increasingly offering their female employers egg freezing as a health benefit, it’s clear that young women are still concerned about waiting to become mothers. Freezing their eggs feels like an insurance policy in case they end up waiting too long to get pregnant. However, an older woman with frozen eggs will still be left with her own older body, which will need to be medically assisted in the process of becoming pregnant. It’s not just the eggs that matter; the rest of a woman’s body matters, too, and the seasons of life can be manipulated only so far. We can outsmart nature only so much, and there are usually consequences when we do.

      But where do the thirtysomethings fall? This is the decade in which a woman often feels the most pressure about having kids (unless she’s still in limbo into her forties, of course!). It is also, coincidentally, the decade in which many women seem to have some sort of midlife crisis — myself included. The thirties can be an empowering decade for a woman, but they can also be confusing if she has gotten out of alignment in some way — physically, mentally, or spiritually.

      Thirtysomethings go in one of two camps — early thirtysomethings can oftentimes put themselves in the “young woman” category if they still feel physically young, but as forty looms, those who have read the data on fertility and listened to what everyone else around them says about it will likely start to put themselves in the “mature woman” box. The midlife crisis so many women experience in this decade has to do with how they’re living their overall lives, and oftentimes, fertility is a major factor. Some women go through this crisis before having their kids, and some have it afterward. I had mine beforehand.

      Some women in their thirties are worrying about their fertility for good reason, and other women are worrying about it for no reason at all, but it doesn’t have to do with age so much as it does with how a woman cares for herself and what sort of environment she is in. Doctors typically say that a woman conceiving at thirty-five or over is a high-risk pregnancy, and it can be a little unsettling when you feel absolutely fine and your doctor tells you that you are a geriatric pregnant patient (the actual term used for pregnant women over thirty-five). The problem is that once someone throws a number out as a guideline, saying it’s the average age when something happens, then people stop seeing possibilities and start looking only at numbers.

      The reason this is sad is because everyone is aging at different rates. Time matters, but only insofar as it is relevant to the individual’s constitution, lifestyle, and environment. Some women are actually aging faster, and some are aging more slowly. Women do not all first get their periods at the same age, do they? And we all start menopause at different ages, too. Therefore, our fertile windows can also be different.

      A woman is much better off studying her own body — the quality of the tissues; her ability to heal and regenerate; the quality of her hair, skin, nails, sleep, digestion, and menstrual cycles; and how she feels emotionally — to analyze basic physiological functions and features. She may just be a little bit different from her peers and even from her family members. She may have more years left than she thought, or she may have already missed her chance. The key is for her to pay attention to her body.

       Mature, Fertile Women

      Once you hit thirty, thirty-five, forty, or whatever age you consider yourself a more mature woman, it’s good to forget about the numbers for a moment and take a very objective look at your body. The later chapters in this book will help you evaluate it, but I will give you a hint now that the key is in the five elements: space, air, fire, water, and earth.

      As our fire increases at puberty and builds into middle age, it eventually burns away some of our earth and water. The question is not if this will happen but when. With healthy aging, we become a little less like a watery, chubby baby and more like a shaped and refined piece of fine pottery. However, if the earth and water elements get a little too depleted, then we burn out and dry out, increasing the air and space elements and moving toward breakdown, degeneration, and even inflammatory issues.

      Women who have a well-functioning, juicy body and manage their health well in their youth may be in better shape to have a child during their mature years, just as women who have signs of early aging and degeneration may not have as long a fertile window, because the air element has already begun to take over. A mature woman feels a greater disruption to her overall lifestyle when she has children because she’s lived her old life longer and is used to it. Therefore, the new state feels like a big psychological and behavioral shift. In addition, the more mature body needs more time to rest and rejuvenate after going through such a significant physical and emotional event, but she can manage that by building support around her.

      It is always best to get an honest and raw understanding of the condition of your one-of-a-kind body using the senses. What do you see, taste, smell, hear, and feel? What is underneath the makeup or the hair dye? What happens when you don’t wear deodorant? What kind of condition is your skin really in? How about the teeth and the gums? Sometimes the small things you might want to fix cosmetically are telling you something critical about your health. One tissue can become affected by an imbalance more than others. The key is to pay attention and know yourself for how you really are.

      Let’s say you find that you aren’t really showing many signs of aging or toxicity — both issues for fertility. For example, your skin still seems juicy and thick. Your hair is still lustrous and is mostly not gray. You still get regular, effective periods, and the flow patterns seem relatively unchanged. Your injuries heal fairly easily. You have an appetite. You don’t have any cysts or other growths. You generally sleep well at night. These are just a few examples of youthful health. If you consider yourself a mature woman and yet your body still maintains a healthy quality and vitality, then you might be one of the lucky women in their older fertile years who may do just fine having a kid.

      If you are feeling like the clock might be ticking, then still, it’s not time to freak out; it’s simply time to truly look at your body and position yourself for the best health possible (again, something I hope to help you with in this book).

      I’ve had women in their early forties start working with me thinking that they are going through early perimenopause, and in all cases they were wrong — they were just going through a life transition that was interrupting the basic physiological processes involved in menstruation and throwing off the rest of their health, too. It’s not that early menopause doesn’t happen to some women — it’s just very rare. It happens in about 5 percent of women.

      If you feel healthy and strong and like you still have your youthful glow and juiciness, then you may be in good condition to have children for years to come. If you feel like you may need to improve your health, then this book will help you reclaim your vitality. Regardless of your age, take care of yourself, and if you do end up having a kid, I would suggest that you devote your energy to lining up support around you to help with postpartum rejuvenation and childcare — even if you are a stay-at-home mom. The transition from nonmother to mother can be challenging for many women — even if they desperately craved a baby — but it’s worth it.

       Chapter 2

       Going Primal

       Let your mind go, and your body will follow.

      — HARRIS K. TELEMACHER, played by Steve Martin, L.A. Story

      I have some news for