The Ayurvedic Guide to Fertility. Heather Grzych

ages is still developmentally a child. She has not yet matured enough to gain the level of independence or experience with the way of the world that an adult woman has. She is legally still a minor. Therefore, it is not socially acceptable for her to utilize this part of herself at the time it becomes biologically activated and available for use in the world, despite whatever normal, natural urges she has. If she is a responsible girl with urges, then in today’s society, she immediately gets set on a course for blocking pregnancy that can last for decades.

      As adult women, we are often confused by, and don’t appreciate, our reproductive systems. We think they are way too inconvenient, and for years we mess with birth-control pills and other drugs to try not to have a period. If you are like me and lots of other modern women, then you spent most of your life using some form of birth control to avoid pregnancy. Perhaps you were so set on having sex whenever you wanted without getting pregnant that you even inserted a scratchy little IUD into your cervix to block sperm from getting in, even if it caused inflammation or hormonal imbalances. Maybe you wore a patch or even had some little implant placed. You let your intellectual and primal selves try to work together to solve the perennial problem of unplanned pregnancy until you felt ready for a planned one. You elicited help from your doctor to make this happen. And, when you finally decided that you might be ready for pregnancy, you began to feel that you had work to undo — to remove toxicity and blockages in both the mind and the body.

      Most of my life, I wished I never had a period. It was a nuisance — something that got in the way when I wanted to go on vacation, work out, or have sex. I even went so far as to take the birth-control pill continuously for stretches of time so that I would never get a period. This was actually recommended to me by a gynecologist, so back then, I assumed it must have been a good idea. It was all very convenient for the other areas of my life, but after learning more about how the body works, I realized how narrowly focused our thinking is to cut off such a vital part of being a woman just because we find it inconvenient. A woman’s body is meant to flush itself regularly even if it isn’t getting pregnant — and perhaps especially if it’s not getting pregnant.

      Many women remain confused about whether they want to have kids until right before they think their biological clock is about to stop ticking, when confusion turns into panic and fear of missing out, and they wonder if they can still freeze their eggs. And then what ensues is either a hurried hunt for the father of their child or a dramatic letting go of the idea altogether and burying themselves back into work so they can forget about it — until perimenopause hits and everything blows up again.

      If you have been physically or mentally blocking your reproductive energy, it’s time to start to get to know this part of yourself again. Your awareness is power. By reacquainting yourself with your reproductive system, you will discover how truly magical it is. You are already, without a doubt, much more extraordinary than you’ve ever given yourself credit for.

      Shifting from being a woman who has been blocking pregnancy to one who welcomes fertility is a multilevel process. It involves your mind, body, and spirit, and it’s not just about you. Your partner is greatly affected. Your dynamic with this person and others in your life is in a potential transition state. Since you mean business now, it’s time to look at all of this.

      There is so much you can learn by studying your body, mind, cycles, and the environment around you. All your senses and several major systems of your body are involved in the monthly cycle, and if you are not paying attention to these cycles, you are missing out on some serious intuitive power — but when you reconnect with your inner being, even after trying to avoid pregnancy for so long, you are more likely to be reconnected with your reproductive power. When you turn a mirror back on yourself, you begin to see all the parts that may have been neglected or possibly even hurt. When you can see these clearly, then you can rejuvenate and heal and, in the process, develop superpowers.

      Designing Your Life

      Preparing your body for conception is really not that different from planting a garden. Once you learn what something needs to grow and thrive, you can create the conditions for that to occur: plant your seed during the right season, position it well, and then water accordingly. The first step is looking at what you yourself need in order to grow and thrive, and then you can focus on the elements that are supportive of building a family.

      You must design a life moving toward bliss and health. To have these things, you need to cultivate the understanding that allows you to clearly perceive your environment. Then you have to make decisions that encompass your vision for your life, coupled with the reality in front of you. If you use your intellect wisely, you will make good decisions and health will prevail. If there is any flaw in your decision-making or in the use of your sense perception, then cycles of imbalances can begin.

      It’s really important that you be as healthy as possible before you conceive, because stuff gets crazy after you get pregnant and have a child. Just trust me on this. I hope you are excited about learning how to take really good care of yourself, because all your life experiences will be so much better if you have your best health, whether you have a kid or not.

      Embracing the Unknown

      The process of creation is not one that can be controlled — there are so many unknowns — and this can be a little unsettling for a lot of women. However, creation emerges out of vulnerability and even darkness. Creation is dominated by unseen forces that later give rise to something tangible and seen.

      If you are considering having a child and you want the experience to be as joyous as possible, then first you must understand the process of how things are created and surrender to it. Creation comes from the need for change. It doesn’t come when things are in perfect order. Otherwise, you wouldn’t need anything different to happen in your life; there would be no space for something new.

      There are variations on how conception occurs. Some women surrender to this process easily, and some after a glass of wine. Some women need to have doctors do it for them. Even when a woman goes to see a doctor for IVF or egg freezing or any other type of intervention used for conception, there is a form of surrender. It is just a different kind of surrender than getting pregnant the old-fashioned way.

      Your job is to start to get comfortable in the darkness of space — when you don’t have the answers or conclusions. Furthermore, your job as the female is specifically to let creativity happen through you. Yup, it’s time to give up some of that control.

      How do I sell this idea to you, though, if you are like a lot of other modern women and like to make vision boards and execute plans to get toward where you want to go? It can feel like a real struggle when we cannot make something happen via our own thinking and doing, can’t it? It may feel difficult to let things unfold naturally until we feel we’ve done all we can. However, because conception takes more than one entity, a state of receptivity is important, and this can become compromised if we are trying to control everything. I’m not saying this is easy — receptivity and surrender challenge our fears around trust and even our own self-confidence.

      In having a baby, you are not the one “making” anything when it actually happens. You are a vessel. You cannot control the outcome. You can try to influence it, but you can’t control it. This is part of why a fertility journey — like any creative endeavor — is a spiritual journey for the modern woman who has a hard time relinquishing control. First, you do the best you can to take care of yourself in your environment, you connect deeply with your partner (literally and figuratively!), and then you roll the dice. You may experience mental anguish in the void, and this is where it’s handy to hold a sense of faith and wonder. Allowing yourself to be surprised by the universe can actually be a really magical thing, sometimes even more fun than planning everything to a T and getting exactly what you want when you want it. Remember the saying “A watched pot never boils”? Well, it applies when you are trying to get pregnant, too.

      Women who feel the call to conceive often start to grasp for a baby. They want to reach out and grab it, and they will do whatever they can to get it. Sometimes this works, and sometimes it sabotages the whole thing — because if there is too much grasping for the outcome, then there is no room for receiving the gifts that take you to the outcome. The baby you were meant to have will not